Motherhood and Leading By Example

Motherhood... what a blessing, huh?

A terribly exhausting, kinda sorta frustrating, usually food deprived, and sometimes smelly, but a wonderful, glorious, blessing.

As I sit here on my sofa, watching my kiddos go from happily playing to pushing and arguing, I have a moment of wonder. Who am I that God has blessed me with these two beautiful children?? Who am I that He has given me the responsibility to take care of these two little humans? These two eternal souls are in the hands of my husband and I.

Wow.

Motherhood is such a blessing, and such a challenge all at once. What a blessing to be able to raise these little arrows, these little humans to praise the Lord and seek Him. This verse in Proverbs 22:6 has been one that I have committed to my memory and put into my heart. "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." Now, my parents did the best they could, but I was not raised in a home that was 100% Christian. We espoused and lived many values that are 'Christian', and I remember being dragged to church (sorry Mom and Dad haha) but I didn't learn verses growing up, I didn't go to church regularly or youth group or Awana (if you are familiar with that) and this is something that I want my children to grow up in. I want them to be so filled and so permeated with God's Word that they can't help but turn to God, they can't help but to have verses flood their minds during hard times, or glorify our God when they are blessed by Him. I want them to be so filled with Christ and have their minds overflowing with His love and truth.



I want to create a legacy; a new legacy of following Christ with every fiber of our being.


But I'm realizing that for a new legacy to be created, for their minds to be overflowing with truth and Christ, that I need to be completely immersed and overflowing from Him as well. I can't expect my children to just somehow magically learn truth and learn about Christ and God without me living out my faith and teaching them and telling them about who He is and why He came.

I'm told that children learn a lot from what they see and hear around them. I've seen this true, with my kids picking up rather adult words like "freak out" or "actually" or "I'd rather not". I've also seen this true with watching how they pick up after themselves, they didn't learn to clean on their own, they saw Matt and I clean and learned by watching. This is so so important to remember. Children pick up so much of what they see and hear rather than say, what you just outright tell them. Children learn by example.

What are you teaching your children by example?

If you and I are similar, we want to teach our children what following Christ looks like, what dieing to yourself looks like. We want to show our children grace and truth and love, and what glorifying God with your heart, mind, soul, and body looks like in a day to day life.

I know this isn't easy, we all have those days where it is crazy and hard and you reach the end of yourself. You snap, or react through anger in a situation instead of responding in a grace filled way. I've been there, actually I was there two days ago! Lily walked in, and woke me up saying that she was going to tell me the "truef" haha and proceeded to tell me she put shaving cream all over her brother...it turned out she slathered Leon with diaper rash cream! Lets say I took the kids to their grandparents for a bit..my version of witness protection hahaha! We all needed a break and spending time with Grandma was such a relief after a crazy morning.

What I'm getting at is this, we are all in this together, we are all sinful, fallen human beings trying to follow Christ and die to this "old creation". So what are you spending your time on? What you put into your mind and heart is what comes out. Are you putting in Facebook and twitter and expecting Galatians and Philippians to come spurting out? What are you doing to ensure that your children will grow up knowing they are loved by God and loving Him?

Just something to chew on.

Xoxo,

Samantha

33 weeks and ready to be done..

Soooo, it has been a long while. A very long while if I'm honest, since I last posted on here. I had what I thought was a very good reason for not posting, but have recently been encouraged to take up blogging again. :)

Ya see, I've officially hit the 33 week mark in this pregnancy, and for most of it I've had a tough time being content during this pregnancy. I mean, I'm super excited to meet this little guy, and his big sister is just beyond excited, but this time around I'm noticing just how..how rough, pregnancy can be. Your body changing on its own, without your approval or even a heads up! Gah!

Anyway, soo this time has been completely different than the first time. With Lily I was all "Oh look! I popped!" ..."oh how funny! I can't fit into my jeans!" ...how naive I was, or maybe just excited at all the new changes and all the surprises the first pregnancy brings. Either way, trying to chase a toddler, and grow a mini human isn't so easy. I'm tired and hormonal and I cry. All. The. Time. Seriously, over the silliest of things. And to be honest..I'm over it. I just want to be able to wear normal pants and have shirts that cover the bottom of my belly, and to be able to sit down and now have someone jabbing my hip bone and my ribcage at the same time.

But I guess maybe this is the lesson God's trying to teach me? Maybe?? Paul learned to be content in every circumstance, and even though he wasn't so "lucky" to go through growing a mini human, I think that the Word was clear and we can walk away with a lesson. Whether we are pregnant, not pregnant, whatever circumstance we are in, we can look towards the Lord and seek Him. The Word says that God is faithful and loving, and I need to trust that if I seek Him wholeheartedly, then He will be faithful to change my heart.

So here I go...praying that God will help me learn to be content in Him in any situation. I hope this helps to encourage someone. :)

Xoxo,
Samantha

OATMEAL MONSTERS...and a possible hallowed out leg?

Ok, so funny story, I started making a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, and Lily decided she wanted to have some. So like the awesome (read: weak willed) parent I am, I made her a bowl. An adult portion size bowl. And..she ate the whole thing.

Then some toast.

Then she finished my oatmeal because heaven knows I have the stomach size of an infant anymore thanks to this little man I'm growing. But back to the point, She ate all of that and still wanted more!

How in the world?! And that wasn't the last time either. She now wants oatmeal every morning, but won't just stop at one bowl. I'm beginning to think that she has a hallow leg or something...I don't know, maybe the stomach of a man? Haha, my hubs loves that she eats so much! He's always amazed when we have dinner and she will just sit there and eat right along side of him.

I'm always amazed that she hasn't become a chunk yet haha. She is still long and skinny! Here's some proof! ;)


Anyway, I just thought that I'd see if this is happening to the rest of the world? Because if she keeps this up we may be eaten out of house and home haha!

But for reals, how am I supposed to feed her and a baby boy?? What if he has the same appetite??...I may need to invest in the oatmeal companies because I'm pretty sure that I'm keeping them in business lol!

On a side note, I'm trying to teach Lily how to eat with silverware. It's a slow and messy process though. Any tips from you seasoned Momma's out there?

Xoxo,

Samantha

Getting Over Baby Fears

I've written and rewritten this post a bunch of times. I've thought over what I should say, how I should say it. What would people think, would it seem like I was looking for pity?.. And then I stopped, and decided it was something that was on my heart and I was just going to write, to be honest with where I am and the struggles I've come against.

So let's start. 

As some of you know, when we found out we were pregnant with our first baby, we were so happy. Like over the moon ecstatic. Then when we went in for our first appointment we found out it was, unfortunately, an ectopic pregnancy. 

We were demolished. Our choices were to either take meds to abort the pregnancy, or wait a little while and see if the pregnancy ended naturally. After spending hours crying and praying and crying, Matthew and I decided to wait and see if it would happen naturally. 

It did. 

To be honest, the physical pain was so much easier to bear than the emotional hurt we were feeling. 

We lost our baby. And we didn't even know what to call our child, was it a she? A he? To be honest, I'm still grieving. 

But by grace, we pressed on. 

And we found out a little over a month later, we were expecting again. What a mixed up jumble of emotions we were then! Excitement, grief, fear, thankfulness, we didn't know what we were feeling when. 

Thankfully, this pregnancy went perfectly, and our little babe Lily is such a beautiful reminder that grace is sufficient and that God is good, even when you don't understand the hardships in life. 

Fast foreword one crazy, hectic, tearful, overwhelmingly awesome year, and we are now expecting our baby #3, Leon James. 

Praise God, everything is going perfectly. Our midwife practice that we go to says that we are doing great and are super encouraging. (BTW for anyone looking for midwives for their birth, I ADORE Syracuse Midwives here in Upstate New York. They are so knowledgeable and encouraging, and such a difference from my previous O.B. I wasn't paid to say that btw, I just truly believe in them and their business.)

Anyway, I'm being honest here when I say that I ask Matt, more often than I should, "What if I don't love him as much as Lily?" And that is my straight up fear, yo. I'm so scared that I can't love anyone else as much as I love our little Lily, our hope child. I've been told that your heart just gets bigger, and that Love doesn't divide, it multiplies, but I'm still scared. Matt says that these fears will dissipate as we get closer to meeting him. 

Honestly though, I'm 5+ months in and I just feel like a big round wrecking ball of emotions and hormones. Nine times out of ten I feel exhausted and don't want to do anything. Being pregnant with Lily was such a joy, but this time around, even though I love feeling him kick, I'm just tired. So. Tired. 

I just want to be done already. For. Reals. But, I know it will so totally be worth it. I'm just tired of not feeling like myself ya know? I feel like I'm constantly being tossed around by these waves of emotion that we call pregnancy. I want to be my good ole stable self again. 

I think that once Leon is born, I'll be able to post about how much my heart has grown and it's capacity to love another sweet babe. I'll post pictures about our beautiful baby boy and how much of my heart he's stolen. 

But until then, I'm going to be right here, trying to survive the daily routine. Learning to keep up with a toddler, housework, and still get rest for this pregnant momma. So a shout out to you pregnant momma's, I'm so right there with ya. You are not alone in your exhausted, emotional pregnancy. :) So take heart, it's only a season. 

Xoxo,

Samantha

No Shame, Momma.

I'm having one of those days, where I can't seem to get myself together and everything my sweet child does is irritating. Have you been there?

Well, I'm here to help out that momma guilt because my friend, you are not alone. It's time like these when for your sake and for theirs you need to put them in their bed or crib or create a brand spankin new reason for a quite time and stick yourself in your bathroom or bedroom and closet even!

No shame momma, no shame. We've all been there, and for you to be the best mom that you can be, your glass needs to be overflowing. So take this time to seek Jesus. Pray for patience, and the grace you need to show your kiddos, because no matter how much you love them, you can't do this alone. Especially when they are driving you up a wall. 

So take some time today, and when you can't handle anymore, stick yourself wherever you can and worship the God who gives us peace, and pray and rest. We all know that there is no such person as a supermom, and sometimes that stinkin sin natures rears it's head and we can't do anything to stop it. 

But Jesus can. 

My dear momma, know that you aren't alone in this, to be honest, I just put my baby to bed early because I just couldn't handle it right then. Her crying for no reason put me over the edge. So there is nothing wrong with you taking the time to invest in yourself and in your walk with Him, because my love, you can't give your kiddos anything when you are running on fumes yourself. 

I promise you aren't ruining them. They probably won't remember the time you locked yourself in the bathroom and cried, or you can even put music on and have a dance party with your kiddos. You get to worship and be filled and they get to dance and have fun! Now that's a win-win right??

If you only get one thing out of this my friend, then know that it's ok. Take the time you need to be filled, because parenting isn't easy, and you are not supposed to do it alone. 

Xoxo,

Samantha

Bittersweet Memories.

So, as we draw nearer to seeing our baby boy in April, I can't help but remember our first baby. We are so blessed to have Lily, but we are also sad about the loss of our first child. I have a feeling though that losing a child is something that will stay with Matt and I our entire lives. I know that neither of us wants to forget that precious first babe.

Although we never met our child, losing him or her was an experience we never want to have again. And for those women and men who have felt the pain of losing a child, either in the womb or after birth..I can not express my sorrow for your loss. Losing a child is something that no parent should have to endure, and contrary to popular belief, a babe in the womb is still a life, and a sorrowful loss.

I know that I can't speak for everyone, but I've found that time has healed that wound for the most part and now it's not as hard to remember our dear babe. We can look back with bittersweet memories. Like waking Matthew up in the early morning with the good news, and dreaming up what our family would look like. They were the firsts for us. Our first glimpse into the family life we wanted, our first pregnancy test.

Like I said, they are bittersweet. Yet we wouldn't want to forget them even if we could.

I know some can't quite relate, while others have deeper sorrows they bear. And whatever season of life you are in, you are not alone. For us, with this little one coming, we can't help but be grateful for the support of our families and friends. The way God has used them to provide for us has been amazing. We are so blessed to have such support.

So whether you can sit there and relate or not, just take the time, during this "Happiest Time Of The Year", to encourage someone who is carrying a heavy burden. If you can, see if they wouldn't mind some support. I know that even though we didn't want to talk about it for a while, knowing that people cared and were praying was more comforting than hearing " I'm sorry" all the time.

Anyway, I hope that this encouraged someone. :)

Xoxo,

Samantha

Let Her Be.

So first off, I hope y'all had a great Thanksgiving. I definitely enjoyed spending time with my hubby's family and watching Lily interact with her second cousin, Jack. They are one month apart to the day and so it makes for a fun time getting them together.

Even though there is a TON to be thankful for, I wanted to share something that was so very encouraging to my momma heart.

Let's start at the beginning of the story. You see, Lily is the first baby since Matthew was born, 23 years ago. So everyone loves her and just can't get enough, which is rather funny, but for those of you with grandkids or nieces and nephews, you know the overwhelming desire to give that little one everything they want.

Well, as the parent to the first child in a long time in the family, it can sometimes be difficult to reign in people's desire to give our daughter everything.

This brings us to today's story and super encouraging moment. On thanksgiving there is dessert, obviously lol. Well, to the parent who drove two hours to thanksgiving and now has a napless toddler, dessert and sweets after dinner are a no go. No one wants a hyped up toddler who hasn't napped today.

So as Matt and I started talking about dessert for her and figuring out if any would be appropriate, those aunts, uncles, and grandparents, who love her so much and are ensnared by her adorable babiness lol, argued against our decision to not give our baby desserts.

(Disclaimer here: I know that my loving family, who will most likely read this, never meant to be overbearing or anything along those lines, so there are no hard feelings. Really :]. )

Anyway, as I was listening to multiple family members tell me how I should give our daughter dessert for multiple reasons, my husbands aunt said something that truly struck me and encouraged my heart.

She said "Let her be the mom."

Short and sweet, but oh so impactful. You see, as a young parent with so many loving family members, it can be hard to be second guessed or questioned on our decisions, and after a long hard day, no parent wants to have to argue with family over how to raise their child. Even well meaning family.

So when she said that, it really encouraged me, it's such a wonderful feeling to have someone respect your role as the parent and decision maker for your child. Because honestly, no one wants to come off rude to family or say something that could be hurtful, but it's hard to be questioned and try to find the right words that won't be disrespectful but remind people of who you are in this child's life. Ya know?

So just a shout out to those who have grandkids, nieces, nephews, or just little ones in the family, please please Please respect the parents as the authority they are in the child's life. I know that you love the little one and the dessert or toy at the time doesn't seem like a big deal, but the parents know the child best, and they know what is beneficial and what needs to be temporarily avoided. So the next time they say no to the dessert after dinner, or decline the toy for the child, just say ok and let them parent. It's hard enough knowing you are responsible for a tiny life without having to argue their decisions.

And to the worn down parents, we both know how much your families love these little ones, and how hard it is to raise them. I also know that it's hard to stand your ground without coming off as rude, so please give them an extra dose of patience when they forget that you're the mom or dad, but don't be afraid to gently stand firm when your decisions are questioned or argued, because at the end of the day, this is your child and your are responsible to take care of their tiny lives.

And to my loving family, thank you for caring so much for Lily.

Xoxo,

Samantha

My Family Is My Ministry

OK so, for roughly 8 almost 9 years now I have been preparing to be a missionary and work overseas to share the mercy and grace of Christ. Every action was weighed against that end destination. I saved instead of bought, my schooling was based on this, and now I am here. In the states, a wife and a mother.

This is not where I expected to end up.

And this is not at all what I prepared for.

You see, I have a love for cultures and am generally quick at learning languages. My passion and heart are for those overseas in foreign lands. And this is a work in progress, believe me, but I'm being honest when I say that I am burdened more for the tribe in the middle of the jungle than I am my next door neighbors.

So believe me when I say that in no way was I "ready" to become a wife and mother. I didn't learn to bake from scratch, I didn't learn to sew, I couldn't keep a plant alive much less grow a garden, I don't separate our laundry by color, I don't know how to decorate, and am not good with staying frugal, but here I am, and these skills would have been wonderful to have learned earlier. 

Yet, as I learn to become a better provider for my family on the homemaking front, and am learning all the nuances of being a mother, my eyes and heart have been opened and exposed to a truth that I have never known before.

My family is my ministry.

My husband, my children, these people that I see on a daily basis and love most dearly are my ministry. I am called to love my husband, to respect, encourage, follow, uphold in prayer, and care for him. And our children, we are called to point them to Christ, cherish, protect, provide for, and love them.

With every breath and action I am to be pointing my family to grace and mercy and the redemption through Christ. And sometimes this is by caring for my family's material needs, like clean dishes, fresh food, and clean clothes. For our children, through every hug, kiss, and story during the day I need to be conveying Christ's love, mercy, and grace to them.

For Matthew , this will look a little different. I need to trust him, love, encourage, pray for, and more importantly respect him. In today's world, women are told that they can and should assert themselves by doing everything and, almost, anything a man can do. We aren't told that we need to respect our guys. Men are portrayed as incapable, selfish, stupid beings who can't multitask as well as women and are *almost* worthless.

But my dear friends, that is a horrid lie. Our men are strong and capable. They can be wise and compassionate, they are made in the image of Christ and even though they are sinners just as you and I are, doesn't mean that they are in any way inferior or that as women we are superior beings.

We are called to respect our men. And until we start tearing down the lies of this world in our own hearts then we will never be able to encourage and love our men as we should.

So, I may not be where I expected to end up, and I may be closer to New York City than the tribal people that I love so dearly. But that does not mean that I am in a limbo state waiting until a certain time to profess Christ and minister to others.

Your family is your ministry. Colossians 3:23 (NLT) says "Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people." Christ died for each and every one of your family members and mine. So why are we being selfish rather than selfless? We should be caring for and ministering to our families, whether through material provision or spiritual encouragement.

I know that realizing this has influenced how I approach my tasks such as laundry and dishes and cleaning. This has become a way for me to physically show Christ's love and my love to my family by caring for their needs. To show that I love them enough to provide a safe haven for them to come home to, or relax in.

Our home is a place that I take seriously. I don't want just anyone waltzing in. Now don't take that as an inhospitable spirit, but rather taking my responsibility as a mother and a wife seriously. I don't want to allow someone into my family's safe haven if they only plan on tearing my family apart. I won't invite a woman who has the hots for my husband, or a child's friend who is not pointing them to Christ. You see, just as caring for my family physically is important, their spiritual walk with Christ is even more necessary to encourage and protect.

In the end, my family is my ministry. This is where I am to be serving first and foremost, however that manifests, until the end of my days.

Xoxo,

Samantha

Be You, Bravely.

So the theme of this years MOPS is "Be you, bravely."

And I'm not lying when I tell you that this phrase may be one that has influenced me the most this far in my life.

I don't know about you, but the idea that I can be who I am bravely, and the freedom that comes with accepting yourself "flaws", baby weight, stretch marks and all is so....amazing. Its like a breath of fresh air. 

You see, I'm guessing that if you are like me, then you aren't always happy with how you look or act or maybe you are super self conscious when you see women or moms that look like they have it all together. 

But can I tell you a secret? 

You are unique and so very very beautiful. I really mean that. Because you see, your "flaws" don't change your worth. And just because someone may be better in certain areas than you, doesn't mean that you shouldn't be who you are. 

For example, there are a few mom bloggers that I absolutely adore following, and sometimes when I start drafting another post or think about my own blog, I start feeling really inadequate. I start psyching myself out thinking that I'm not nearly as wonderful a writer or a mom and what can I say that people haven't already heard a million times? 

But this idea of being who I am and doing it bravely is helping me to accept myself and realizing my own self worth. 

Just because I don't have a few hundred or thousand followers or write in a way where it feels like we are face to face doesn't mean that I am any less of a writer or that I should stop doing what I love because someone else is better at it. I can, and should, still do what I love and be who I am.

You see, I believe that this phrase "Be You, Bravely" is about you bravely getting over your self consciousness and fears and being who you are. Because we all know that as women we tend to be our own worst enemy.

So that is why this phrase has been so important to me. I'm finally starting to be me, bravely. And my dear friends, I hope that this encourages you to accept yourself and Be You, Bravely.

Xoxo,

Samantha

IT'S A BABY!!!!!!

Hey There!

I thought that it might be reasonable to inform y'all that we are expecting another baby!!! Matt and I are super excited and Lily is starting to walk around saying "baby" every few minutes. So I'd say that she is excited as well...

Anyway, just thought that I'd let you know because I have a feeling that my posts might have a bit of an emotional side to them or possibly just be all over the place due to my lack of focus. :D I hope no one minds!

Xoxo,

Samantha

Parenting is Rough...

Hey!

So now that my once adorable stationary baby, now cruiser, almost toddler is wandering around the house, things are getting tough! She gets into everything, especially tupperware, books, and funny enough, she constantly goes back into her room. (We usually play in the living room where I can keep an eye on her and still get things done.)

Seriously though, does anyone out there have any ideas or advice on training your children to not climb on certain things or try to eat certain things? I lightly tapped Lily's hand when she bit my phone for the umpteenth time... and she cried.. I'm such a wuss haha. I can hardly handle it.

Does anyone else run into this problem?...that's probably a stupid question lol. I'm sure everyone else has had the same problem at some point.

So I guess what I'm asking for is...what did you do? How did you lovingly train your children with grace? How do you do it??

Because I'm obviously having trouble haha.

On a side note, I have officially run 3 miles for the first time since my first 5k six weeks after Lily was born! I'm super excited!! I am using an app called Gipis that tells me my training schedule for a race I'm doing in August with the family. :) Isn't that great? I'm kinda sore but also ridiculously excited about starting to go running again. It isn't necessarily my favorite thing to do, but I LOVED running in my first race and I think, that's the only reason why I will to run.


So that's all folks!

For now at least ;)

Xoxo,

Samantha

The Day My Patience Died...

Hey friends!

So this past week was so very busy for me. We were booked with things to do from Sunday to last night! Which was one of the stupidest decisions I've made in a while btw because by Tuesday, I was about burnt out. 

I'm actually surprised that I didn't pull my hair out! Although that job is usually left to Lily as she has a huge fondness for hair hahaha :D Anyway, after being so busy the first few days and not seeing an end in sight for another bunch of days, I lost all sense of patience and was sadly, very irritable. 

If I had to peg a day, I'd say that Tuesday was the day my patience died..

So as I was primed to lash out at anything..and sadly anyone, thankfuly I found myself having a hard time being angry with Matt and Lily, especially Lily (btw sorry honey, but thank you for loving me despite my selfish and sinful moments...I love you).

Has anyone else run into this? That you want so desperately to be angry and frustrated with your child but then they look you in the face and smile or do something that kicks your anger in the face and almost knocks the wind out of you? 

I didn't know that I could feel such contrary and yet passionate emotions at the same time! 

Picture this:

Lily is sitting on my lap after yet another long day of business and Matt is sitting next to me. Here we are, just trying to relax together and decompress when she pulls my hair. 

I look at her, gently untangle my hair from those beautiful little fingers and say, "No baby girl, we don't pull on hair. It hurts Mommy."

Not less than twenty seconds later she does it again!...and again..and again. 

So, like any other person who realizes that what they are doing isn't working, I put my hair into a high bun to get it away from adorably prying fingers. 

She grabs it anyway. I wish I could tell you that I was all wonderful and merciful and loving, but honestly?

I was ready to....

But when I pulled her down from my head...she laughed. 

Like the epitome of adorable baby laughter...AND SMILED! 

She was having a ball with me grabbing her and pulling her down for the high tower she had climbed!

So here I am about ready to repeat the explosion from Mt. Vesuvius and I am completely stopped in my tracks by the amount of happiness radiating from my daughter. 

How can I possibly be angry with that? With her?

I still can't believe that I wanted to tell at her, or even be angry with her! I'm not going to lie when I say I feel terribly guilty. 

I mean seriously! She is my helpless, adorable, baby! And honestly, most of the time she has no idea what I'm saying...

Has anyone else run into this? Please tell me I'm not alone?

Xoxo,

Samantha

P.s I'm really looking forward to your responses. 

In the Ordinary and Mundane…

  

So it's been a while. 

Quite a long while actually, since I've last posted. Can I be honest and say that I felt as though I had nothing really to say? No words of wisdom that would change your life, no big news that would create a burst of excitement.

Nothing….

Nada….

Just the ordinary and the mundane… days coming and going; and going and coming. Dishes needing to be washed, clothes to clean, diapers to change, and dinners to be made. 

Nothing special, I thought. 

But that's where the Truth lies, doesn't it? In the ordinary and the mundane, in the normal day to day routine. Caught somewhere between the highest of highs and the lowest of the lows. Learning to lean on truth and grow in faith during those normal days where life isn't a mess of emotions. Where your days blur together and tuesday feels like saturday. 

When you're up to your eyeballs in laundry and dishes, and the cries of your children are testing your patience. When your ordinary and mundane start to overwhelm and grind you down. 

When you are weary, remember that we are the branch. We cannot survive detached from our Vine. Just like when you cut a branch from a tree or pop a flower from its petals, we will wither and fade. 

But, when attached to our vine, we will prosper and grow. 
We will live. 

I'm learning that these ordinary days are the ones that teach me the most about myself and my relationship with my Saviour. Am I attached to the Vine or am I slowly withering and fading and I don't realize it yet? I believe that it's in these ordinary and mundane moments of life that we grow the most. In realizing that these days are still a blessing, even if they aren't chock full of emotions. 

Xoxo,

Samantha

When The Smiles Are Worth The Struggles.

Warning: There may potentially be multiple pictures of my daughter on here..so if you don't like baby pictures..good luck. 

Ok so imagine this..

There you sit exhausted, feeling bloated and fat, emotional, and starting to believe lies from the devil that you know aren't true but they are digging under your skin. 

And then the baby fusses, and fusses, and then cries. No matter what you try to do, be it a toy, feeding, holding, rocking..your precious bundle of joy ain't so happy. 

What do you do? 

Do you cry? Set the baby down and walk into another room for a minute or two? 

Do you lose your top and yell?

Some moments, no matter what I do, Lily just fusses and nothing seems to appease her. I get frustrated; I want to cry and scream and walk away. 

I just want peace...

But I have to remember that she is a precious gift, and that her fussing is the only way she can let me know there is something wrong. 

I'm not gunna lie, it's hard and I definitely don't get it right all the time. I mean, really, there's got to be a reason that we don't remember these early years right? Maybe it's a gift to the parents? Like a grace period where we can try to figure out how this all works without them remembering the frustration, the tears we both cried and the mistakes we made. That way they can trust us completely. 

What a blessing, knowing that your child loves and trusts you completely. 

Anyway, I was totally having one of those days... or weeks. I know none of you have had those right? haha just kidding. But really... I was exhausted from getting up every 3-4 hours for the last 7 months, I felt fat and bloated from the food I ate earlier which my body wasn't able to handle, and I was super emotional on top of that. 

So needless to say when Lily started fussing for no apparent reason, I was about to fall off my rocker. I was ready to lay her in the crib and go and cry in the bathroom. Just as I picked her up and started walking down the hallway she stopped crying..

 

I was like..."What in the world?" so I looked at her, trying to see what made her so happy, and as soon as our eyes met she gave me the widest grin to date. (Unfortunately I wasn't able to capture it on camera, so here's another picture of her..)

It was a two toothed baby grin that melted this heart and broke through the emotions, frustrations, and exhaustion. 

It made the struggles worth it. To see her smile like she did..I will take all the sleepless nights and dirty diapers necessary to see that smile again. 

So what about you moms? Are those baby or child or even teenager smiles worth the struggles of Motherhood? I didn't realized how captivating and rewarding their smiles are until one smile made me forget all of my frustrations and troubles. What was one of your most memorable smile moments?

xoxo,

Samantha

What Makes A Woman?

Hey!

So I've been thinking...what makes a girl a woman? What act or decision or information ushers a girl into womanhood? 

Will you allow me to speak frankly for a little while? To speak my mind and ask questions that currently I don't have the answers to?

From decades ago and cultures beyond, boys became men through multiple things, their first hunt, their age, sex.

But what about women? How did we go from girls to women? Was it age? Marriage? Maybe childbirth? Or is there some secret handed down from mother to daughter that magically brings the daughter into being a woman?

If so I was pretty sure that I missed that boat, because I definitely didn't feel like a woman. I still felt like that girl from High School trying to make her way through life. Trying to get a passing grade in being a wife and a mom, a daughter-in-law and a sister.

That girl who is obsessed with perfection to cover her insecurities, who is consumed with staying society's twig thin version of beautiful, and who does not realize the importance of seeking after the One who made me. 

Yet standing in the bathroom, looking at the mirror this morning I saw not the girl that graduated from High School, but a woman, albeit young and fallible.

I saw a woman who realizes her insecurities but will not be mastered by them,

A woman who realizes that her body will grow and change and those changes are not ugly,

Who has come to the conclusion that the Lord is what matters first and foremost, 

But more than that,

I saw a mother who would do anything for the little girl across the hall in her crib,

A wife who would follow her husband and love him every day till she dies,

A daughter, sister, and granddaughter that will be there for her family whenever needed. 

So whatever happened between graduation and now, be it bible school, marriage or motherhood, I am no longer the girl that I used to be. 

This girl has become a woman. 

And yet, here I am still unsure about when that transformation took place, when I was ushered into womanhood. 

So now I ask you. What do you think brings along this change? Was there a single moment where you "became a woman" or did it just spring up on you one day and you realized that you were no longer a girl. Is it merely the changing of a woman's body or a secret phrase? 

What Makes a Woman?

xoxo,
Samantha

A Beautiful Mess

A Beautiful Mess is the name of the MOPS theme this year... I also feel as though it's the description of my life. 

Let me elaborate a little. In MOPS we are told that each woman is beautiful, as is her story. Even though our lives and our day to day may be messy, we are still beautiful and we should embrace our "Beautiful Mess." 

Sometimes..well almost all the time, I feel like a mess. My backstory isn't a typical christian upbringing, it isn't neat and clean and wrapped with a bow and neither is my marriage. Oh and motherhood definitely isn't either..incase you thought otherwise. I think that I have touched more boogers, swallowed more drool, also have seen and smelled more poop than I ever have in my 22 years of existence! 

I do have to admit though, that it is all worth it. Everything. All the sleepless nights, dirty diapers, all the dirty dishes and spilt formula. To hear my daughter giggle when we play with her, to see her light up when I walk in the room, everything is worth that. Especially now that she is starting to say Mom!!! (I'm only a little excited if you can't tell..)

So what about you my friend?
What about your beautiful mess? Will you accept that your life might not be neat and disinfected? Can you recognize that your life is a beautiful mess, that you are treasured even though you aren't perfect? Perfection isn't our end goal. 

The reason we are on this earth isn't to be the perfect daughter, wife, or mother. It isn't to be the best neighbor, best baker, or coolest kid on the block. We are called to know Christ and to seek Him. 

So what about your story? When you look back at it do you recognize it for what it is? A Beautiful Mess, a story that is just as beautiful as you are. 

xoxo

Samantha