Motherhood and Leading By Example

Motherhood... what a blessing, huh?

A terribly exhausting, kinda sorta frustrating, usually food deprived, and sometimes smelly, but a wonderful, glorious, blessing.

As I sit here on my sofa, watching my kiddos go from happily playing to pushing and arguing, I have a moment of wonder. Who am I that God has blessed me with these two beautiful children?? Who am I that He has given me the responsibility to take care of these two little humans? These two eternal souls are in the hands of my husband and I.

Wow.

Motherhood is such a blessing, and such a challenge all at once. What a blessing to be able to raise these little arrows, these little humans to praise the Lord and seek Him. This verse in Proverbs 22:6 has been one that I have committed to my memory and put into my heart. "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." Now, my parents did the best they could, but I was not raised in a home that was 100% Christian. We espoused and lived many values that are 'Christian', and I remember being dragged to church (sorry Mom and Dad haha) but I didn't learn verses growing up, I didn't go to church regularly or youth group or Awana (if you are familiar with that) and this is something that I want my children to grow up in. I want them to be so filled and so permeated with God's Word that they can't help but turn to God, they can't help but to have verses flood their minds during hard times, or glorify our God when they are blessed by Him. I want them to be so filled with Christ and have their minds overflowing with His love and truth.



I want to create a legacy; a new legacy of following Christ with every fiber of our being.


But I'm realizing that for a new legacy to be created, for their minds to be overflowing with truth and Christ, that I need to be completely immersed and overflowing from Him as well. I can't expect my children to just somehow magically learn truth and learn about Christ and God without me living out my faith and teaching them and telling them about who He is and why He came.

I'm told that children learn a lot from what they see and hear around them. I've seen this true, with my kids picking up rather adult words like "freak out" or "actually" or "I'd rather not". I've also seen this true with watching how they pick up after themselves, they didn't learn to clean on their own, they saw Matt and I clean and learned by watching. This is so so important to remember. Children pick up so much of what they see and hear rather than say, what you just outright tell them. Children learn by example.

What are you teaching your children by example?

If you and I are similar, we want to teach our children what following Christ looks like, what dieing to yourself looks like. We want to show our children grace and truth and love, and what glorifying God with your heart, mind, soul, and body looks like in a day to day life.

I know this isn't easy, we all have those days where it is crazy and hard and you reach the end of yourself. You snap, or react through anger in a situation instead of responding in a grace filled way. I've been there, actually I was there two days ago! Lily walked in, and woke me up saying that she was going to tell me the "truef" haha and proceeded to tell me she put shaving cream all over her brother...it turned out she slathered Leon with diaper rash cream! Lets say I took the kids to their grandparents for a bit..my version of witness protection hahaha! We all needed a break and spending time with Grandma was such a relief after a crazy morning.

What I'm getting at is this, we are all in this together, we are all sinful, fallen human beings trying to follow Christ and die to this "old creation". So what are you spending your time on? What you put into your mind and heart is what comes out. Are you putting in Facebook and twitter and expecting Galatians and Philippians to come spurting out? What are you doing to ensure that your children will grow up knowing they are loved by God and loving Him?

Just something to chew on.

Xoxo,

Samantha

A Good Long Time.

I know it has been a while. 

A long while. 

But it has been worth it. Worth every second. 

I wish I could sit down with you and explain; tell you face to face and heart to heart how difficult yet how rewarding this last year has been for my little family. Learning to adapt as our three person family blossomed into a four person family. Sleeping little and giving a lot. Learning to provide and help Lily as she adapts from being the single most important person in our lives to being an equal with another. Figuring out how to run on little sleep and a lot of love and yet quite often starkly realizing that we can't do it on our own at all. 

God has placed Leon in our little family and we are so grateful. He is tenderhearted, loving, funny, quick to smile, and all boy. There had been a lot of learning curves for us in realizing that boys and girls are different in how they think and react and in their interests. 

Life has been a whirlwind this past year, but I wouldn't trade a second of it for the world. 

Xoxo,
Samantha

33 weeks and ready to be done..

Soooo, it has been a long while. A very long while if I'm honest, since I last posted on here. I had what I thought was a very good reason for not posting, but have recently been encouraged to take up blogging again. :)

Ya see, I've officially hit the 33 week mark in this pregnancy, and for most of it I've had a tough time being content during this pregnancy. I mean, I'm super excited to meet this little guy, and his big sister is just beyond excited, but this time around I'm noticing just how..how rough, pregnancy can be. Your body changing on its own, without your approval or even a heads up! Gah!

Anyway, soo this time has been completely different than the first time. With Lily I was all "Oh look! I popped!" ..."oh how funny! I can't fit into my jeans!" ...how naive I was, or maybe just excited at all the new changes and all the surprises the first pregnancy brings. Either way, trying to chase a toddler, and grow a mini human isn't so easy. I'm tired and hormonal and I cry. All. The. Time. Seriously, over the silliest of things. And to be honest..I'm over it. I just want to be able to wear normal pants and have shirts that cover the bottom of my belly, and to be able to sit down and now have someone jabbing my hip bone and my ribcage at the same time.

But I guess maybe this is the lesson God's trying to teach me? Maybe?? Paul learned to be content in every circumstance, and even though he wasn't so "lucky" to go through growing a mini human, I think that the Word was clear and we can walk away with a lesson. Whether we are pregnant, not pregnant, whatever circumstance we are in, we can look towards the Lord and seek Him. The Word says that God is faithful and loving, and I need to trust that if I seek Him wholeheartedly, then He will be faithful to change my heart.

So here I go...praying that God will help me learn to be content in Him in any situation. I hope this helps to encourage someone. :)

Xoxo,
Samantha

2015 Here We Come!

So I don't know about you guys, but 2014 was a pretty awesome year for our family. It was spotted with hard times and growing seasons, but overall things were pretty awesome. By the way... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I hope that this year is better than the last for all of you guys.

Well ladies and gents, we are at it again. Choosing words for our 2015 year. Here are my three words:

Grace, Discipline, and Abide. 

I had grace as one of my words for this past year, and it has been a big help. Remembering to give myself and others grace in face of failure or unmet expectations has made a HUGE difference in my relationships and with myself. Here's a funny story to show you how much God has changed me, I remember getting so angry with Matt over a glass of spilt milk (yes really) the beginning-ish of the year. It caused a lot of trouble and I think it was our first real argument. Yeah, yeah I know.. no use crying over spilt milk right? 

Anyway in comparison, Matt and I locked ourselves out of our house and had to break in..goodbye window..and guess what?..I laughed.... yeah! Matt locked the keys in the house and we had to break a window (in his defense it was like 80 years old and he barely touched it) and I just laughed. He was surprised as well that I was able to just laugh and say it will make a great story. So God has been working very very hard on me and my learning to show grace. 

This year though I chose grace as my word again because we are expecting baby Leon and with two babies I am going to need to learn how to show even more grace to myself in the face of my inabilities and failures as a mom. Having one baby was hard, especially now that we are hitting the two year mark, but having a two year old and a newborn?? 

I'm expecting catastrophic failures.. no laundry, no clean dishes, maybe missing socks lol. So I need to heap grace on myself and learn how to give up those silly expectations and take in what God really desires for me as a mom. 

And that is also what I am going to need to learn discipline, for my kiddos and for myself. I want to be able to teach them and show them the way they need to go, and for me to do that I need to be disciplined in my life and actions and to show our children discipline. (There's also the actual disciplining part, but I'm still hoping that the "terrible two's" aren't as bad as they sound.) I am going to need to be disciplined to create the safe haven my home is supposed to be and to take care of myself as well as my family. 

I don't know about you ladies, but exercising and taking care of myself is on my wish list..but not always (read: at all) a priority. I'm hoping to slowly change that this year, and put the right amount of emphasis on taking care of myself via exercise and whatnot. That's also why disciple is important to me. 

And for abide, I need to abide in truth. To stay attached to the Vine and abide in Him. The church we are members of is putting out a journal with memory verses in it. They are the verses that the kiddos are learning and


put in the journal so the whole church body can work together to memorize Scripture and encourage each other. I am so looking forward to doing this and ingraining God's Word into my mind. We need to abide in Him first and foremost. 

So those are my words, my resolutions for 2015. 

Grace, Discipline, and Abide.

What are yours?

Xoxo,

Samantha

Getting Over Baby Fears

I've written and rewritten this post a bunch of times. I've thought over what I should say, how I should say it. What would people think, would it seem like I was looking for pity?.. And then I stopped, and decided it was something that was on my heart and I was just going to write, to be honest with where I am and the struggles I've come against.

So let's start. 

As some of you know, when we found out we were pregnant with our first baby, we were so happy. Like over the moon ecstatic. Then when we went in for our first appointment we found out it was, unfortunately, an ectopic pregnancy. 

We were demolished. Our choices were to either take meds to abort the pregnancy, or wait a little while and see if the pregnancy ended naturally. After spending hours crying and praying and crying, Matthew and I decided to wait and see if it would happen naturally. 

It did. 

To be honest, the physical pain was so much easier to bear than the emotional hurt we were feeling. 

We lost our baby. And we didn't even know what to call our child, was it a she? A he? To be honest, I'm still grieving. 

But by grace, we pressed on. 

And we found out a little over a month later, we were expecting again. What a mixed up jumble of emotions we were then! Excitement, grief, fear, thankfulness, we didn't know what we were feeling when. 

Thankfully, this pregnancy went perfectly, and our little babe Lily is such a beautiful reminder that grace is sufficient and that God is good, even when you don't understand the hardships in life. 

Fast foreword one crazy, hectic, tearful, overwhelmingly awesome year, and we are now expecting our baby #3, Leon James. 

Praise God, everything is going perfectly. Our midwife practice that we go to says that we are doing great and are super encouraging. (BTW for anyone looking for midwives for their birth, I ADORE Syracuse Midwives here in Upstate New York. They are so knowledgeable and encouraging, and such a difference from my previous O.B. I wasn't paid to say that btw, I just truly believe in them and their business.)

Anyway, I'm being honest here when I say that I ask Matt, more often than I should, "What if I don't love him as much as Lily?" And that is my straight up fear, yo. I'm so scared that I can't love anyone else as much as I love our little Lily, our hope child. I've been told that your heart just gets bigger, and that Love doesn't divide, it multiplies, but I'm still scared. Matt says that these fears will dissipate as we get closer to meeting him. 

Honestly though, I'm 5+ months in and I just feel like a big round wrecking ball of emotions and hormones. Nine times out of ten I feel exhausted and don't want to do anything. Being pregnant with Lily was such a joy, but this time around, even though I love feeling him kick, I'm just tired. So. Tired. 

I just want to be done already. For. Reals. But, I know it will so totally be worth it. I'm just tired of not feeling like myself ya know? I feel like I'm constantly being tossed around by these waves of emotion that we call pregnancy. I want to be my good ole stable self again. 

I think that once Leon is born, I'll be able to post about how much my heart has grown and it's capacity to love another sweet babe. I'll post pictures about our beautiful baby boy and how much of my heart he's stolen. 

But until then, I'm going to be right here, trying to survive the daily routine. Learning to keep up with a toddler, housework, and still get rest for this pregnant momma. So a shout out to you pregnant momma's, I'm so right there with ya. You are not alone in your exhausted, emotional pregnancy. :) So take heart, it's only a season. 

Xoxo,

Samantha

No Shame, Momma.

I'm having one of those days, where I can't seem to get myself together and everything my sweet child does is irritating. Have you been there?

Well, I'm here to help out that momma guilt because my friend, you are not alone. It's time like these when for your sake and for theirs you need to put them in their bed or crib or create a brand spankin new reason for a quite time and stick yourself in your bathroom or bedroom and closet even!

No shame momma, no shame. We've all been there, and for you to be the best mom that you can be, your glass needs to be overflowing. So take this time to seek Jesus. Pray for patience, and the grace you need to show your kiddos, because no matter how much you love them, you can't do this alone. Especially when they are driving you up a wall. 

So take some time today, and when you can't handle anymore, stick yourself wherever you can and worship the God who gives us peace, and pray and rest. We all know that there is no such person as a supermom, and sometimes that stinkin sin natures rears it's head and we can't do anything to stop it. 

But Jesus can. 

My dear momma, know that you aren't alone in this, to be honest, I just put my baby to bed early because I just couldn't handle it right then. Her crying for no reason put me over the edge. So there is nothing wrong with you taking the time to invest in yourself and in your walk with Him, because my love, you can't give your kiddos anything when you are running on fumes yourself. 

I promise you aren't ruining them. They probably won't remember the time you locked yourself in the bathroom and cried, or you can even put music on and have a dance party with your kiddos. You get to worship and be filled and they get to dance and have fun! Now that's a win-win right??

If you only get one thing out of this my friend, then know that it's ok. Take the time you need to be filled, because parenting isn't easy, and you are not supposed to do it alone. 

Xoxo,

Samantha

#Shameless About Marriage

Ok so this awesome Momma blogger, Kristen, that I follow put up an awesome post about feeling shame for having a good marriage, and you can read that bad boy here. But I thought that I'd put a plug in on my little corner because I'm feeling it.

I feel the awkwardness of talking to people about our marriage. Where I am so excited to talk about being with my best friend but I tend to draw back because I know we haven't had the hardships that someone else has.

But when people call us naive or they say, "Just you wait" or tell us we are in the honeymoon stage still, I'm tired of it. We have only been married 2 1/2 years but my hubs and I work hard for our marriage and we shouldn't have to feel ashamed to talk about how great it is for us.

Yeah, we haven't gone through the really hard stuff but that doesn't mean that we haven't had difficulties. Anytime you bring two sinners from two different backgrounds you will have struggles. But that does not mean that it's impossible to work through them. I've seen good and bad marriages, I watched my parents get divorced, and I watched my grandmother hold my grandfather's hand until the very end. I've listened to the testimonies of friends whose marriages went to the cliff and by God's grace they worked through it! So I'm not naive, I know it can be hard, but I also know that a good solid marriage is possible, and we shouldn't be resigned to expecting the worst.

Now I'm not saying that I have it all figured out, and that we won't have any troubles, because the Lord knows Matt and I will hurt and disappoint each other, but we stand together every step of the way and the longer we are together the more I am amazed and humbled by the man that I married. I love knowing that I don't have to worry if he will leave me and he doesn't have to worry about me leaving him because divorce is not an option for us. We chose while engaged that divorce was off the table, and that forces us to stop and talk things out. 

We don't go and rant and rave to other people, we don't keep a list of things the other person has done wrong, we try our best to be understanding when the other person is having an "off" day. Most importantly though, we both seek Jesus. We learned a lot of great tools while we were going through premarital counseling, but can I be honest? Nothing compares to both of you working hard to seek Jesus and put the other person first. 

So the next time someone asks you how your marriage is doing, allow yourself some joy to erupt there lady, because whether you have been married decades or days, have been through the valley of death or are walkin on sunshine, your marriage is something you should be happy about. And I can guarantee you that you won't be the only one feeling shameless about your great marriage.

I know I will be.

Xoxo,

Samantha

My Family Is My Ministry

OK so, for roughly 8 almost 9 years now I have been preparing to be a missionary and work overseas to share the mercy and grace of Christ. Every action was weighed against that end destination. I saved instead of bought, my schooling was based on this, and now I am here. In the states, a wife and a mother.

This is not where I expected to end up.

And this is not at all what I prepared for.

You see, I have a love for cultures and am generally quick at learning languages. My passion and heart are for those overseas in foreign lands. And this is a work in progress, believe me, but I'm being honest when I say that I am burdened more for the tribe in the middle of the jungle than I am my next door neighbors.

So believe me when I say that in no way was I "ready" to become a wife and mother. I didn't learn to bake from scratch, I didn't learn to sew, I couldn't keep a plant alive much less grow a garden, I don't separate our laundry by color, I don't know how to decorate, and am not good with staying frugal, but here I am, and these skills would have been wonderful to have learned earlier. 

Yet, as I learn to become a better provider for my family on the homemaking front, and am learning all the nuances of being a mother, my eyes and heart have been opened and exposed to a truth that I have never known before.

My family is my ministry.

My husband, my children, these people that I see on a daily basis and love most dearly are my ministry. I am called to love my husband, to respect, encourage, follow, uphold in prayer, and care for him. And our children, we are called to point them to Christ, cherish, protect, provide for, and love them.

With every breath and action I am to be pointing my family to grace and mercy and the redemption through Christ. And sometimes this is by caring for my family's material needs, like clean dishes, fresh food, and clean clothes. For our children, through every hug, kiss, and story during the day I need to be conveying Christ's love, mercy, and grace to them.

For Matthew , this will look a little different. I need to trust him, love, encourage, pray for, and more importantly respect him. In today's world, women are told that they can and should assert themselves by doing everything and, almost, anything a man can do. We aren't told that we need to respect our guys. Men are portrayed as incapable, selfish, stupid beings who can't multitask as well as women and are *almost* worthless.

But my dear friends, that is a horrid lie. Our men are strong and capable. They can be wise and compassionate, they are made in the image of Christ and even though they are sinners just as you and I are, doesn't mean that they are in any way inferior or that as women we are superior beings.

We are called to respect our men. And until we start tearing down the lies of this world in our own hearts then we will never be able to encourage and love our men as we should.

So, I may not be where I expected to end up, and I may be closer to New York City than the tribal people that I love so dearly. But that does not mean that I am in a limbo state waiting until a certain time to profess Christ and minister to others.

Your family is your ministry. Colossians 3:23 (NLT) says "Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people." Christ died for each and every one of your family members and mine. So why are we being selfish rather than selfless? We should be caring for and ministering to our families, whether through material provision or spiritual encouragement.

I know that realizing this has influenced how I approach my tasks such as laundry and dishes and cleaning. This has become a way for me to physically show Christ's love and my love to my family by caring for their needs. To show that I love them enough to provide a safe haven for them to come home to, or relax in.

Our home is a place that I take seriously. I don't want just anyone waltzing in. Now don't take that as an inhospitable spirit, but rather taking my responsibility as a mother and a wife seriously. I don't want to allow someone into my family's safe haven if they only plan on tearing my family apart. I won't invite a woman who has the hots for my husband, or a child's friend who is not pointing them to Christ. You see, just as caring for my family physically is important, their spiritual walk with Christ is even more necessary to encourage and protect.

In the end, my family is my ministry. This is where I am to be serving first and foremost, however that manifests, until the end of my days.

Xoxo,

Samantha

When It Rains, It Pours.

So I know that it's been a while, and for that I'm truly sorry. I do have some encouraging words though and I hope that it will uplift those who need it. (pardon the fact that it happened a few months ago...)

Have you ever heard that things come in three's? Especially with difficult times or when things break down? Let's just say that these last two months have been full of three's.

I got sick back in June before our trip to the Adirondacks for a 2yr anniversary. Then the day before we left our fridge broke and so did my car. Luckily we used the small dorm fridge that I still had from college, but it wasn't big enough to save everything. :( btw, I'm so so grateful for my in-laws who were babysitting for us and who had to make do with a mini college fridge lol. 

Anyway, we got to our vacay thinkin the three were done and that we would have a peaceful time. Well half way through, Matt's right wheel tire locked while we were driving and broke...seriously.... I'm not joking with you. We almost cried. Thank The Lord that our host was so gracious and managed to help us find a mechanic and get our car there. Did I mention it is a Sunday so no one was open? But at least there was a mechanic near where we were! PTL!!! :) 

Ok so we finished of our vacay and came home and our washer broke mid cycle. So we mopped up the flood, unkinked the hose and tried again. About two weeks later it died for good leaving us with one last flood. 

But ya know what? The Lord is good and perfect and His timing is impeccable, truly. As I recounted these trials  One of my dear friends and her hubby gifted to us a washer and dryer to replace ours. We seriously couldn't be more grateful to them. 

So what did we learn from all this? 

Things don't just come in three's.

And that the Lord is faithful to provide for our needs no matter how many times we need Him and despite how big or little the "problem" is. 

Praising The Lord for His grace and mercy.

Xoxo, 

Samantha

Five Minute Fridays!

Hahaha ok so I know I said that fridays were going to be Faithful Fridays, but I hope y'all are ok with me changing and learning and figuring out what I want to write about. I'm not saying that Faithful Fridays are done, but I think that they might need to be more like Faithful-First-Friday-Of-Every-Month kind of a deal. :) 

So I've been looking around and trying to find something fun to do on fridays so that way I stay accountable and actually write instead of nap..hahaha..but seriously. I'm pretty sure that I'd rather be sleeping :P

Anyway! I found this awesome idea from Lisa Jo-Baker. She does something called Five Minute Fridays. She puts up a prompt and then we have five minutes to write a post, no editing, no backtracking, nothing, just raw, real, and simply for the love of writing. Then we link up with her page and are able to see posts from other people!

So I may try this out!


Today's prompt is:

 {Close.}

So today I had a really great convo with a girlfriend from college. She and her little family have decided that they are going to follow the call of the Lord to overseas missions! How amazing right? Honestly, hearing her heart and chatting with her was one of the hardest conversations I've had in a while. Yet it was so so good.

You see, I was so close. I was so close to going overseas and seeing my dream of reaching tribal groups with the Gospel. I had gone to school and was ready to go. I was ready to say goodbye to everything.

But the Lord closed that door.

And while I'm sad, I'm also so very, very grateful. You see, while that door is shut for now, He showed me the way to my husband and this life.

And I love our life. I LOVE my husband. I don't regret choosing this life.

So while one door was shut, another was opened.

So just a friendly reminder that while you might be saddened that one door has closed, remember my dear friends that God might just have other plans. Ones that we can't quite see yet.

And don't be afraid to walk in faith and see where this new door leads...

Xoxo,

Samantha

Wordy Wednesday!!

Hey Hey!

So I read through chapter one of Fierce Woman and may I say it was ridiculously challenging!

The first chapter is about the beauty of fierceness. It talks about how there is a fierce woman in all of us and how men are drawn to that, but also how fierce, strong women are God's idea; and also how that the fierce part of us has a role in being iron to sharpen others. It also has a part in being strong behind our men and fiercely following our God.

Now, with that said, there is a difference between an ugly fierce woman and a beautifully fierce woman and that all comes down to where you put your ferocity. The author explains it like this:

"A refined strength has an alluring appeal. I love to see a fierce woman in action. Nothing fazes her. She's indomitable, determined, and she's a passionate force beyond contention. When given a challenging assignment, she boldly goes for it and doesn't let anything or anyone stand in her way. She's fierce. But I'm not talking about an ugly fierceness that is really just raw aggression. There is a beauty to the right kind of fierceness. Not the brand of fierceness that recklessly walks over people or is rooted in self-centered goals. Not the fierceness that produces ice queens or conniving shrews but a fierceness that is humble strength and power under control."

I find this passage from her book so very challenging. I mean seriously?! Who doesn't want to have a refined strength? I certainly do! I don't want to have a raw aggression and be belligerent while thinking that it's showing my strength. I don't want to turn people away by my ferocity, I want to instead inspire them. I want to inspire my husband to live fiercely himself, to live fiercely following our God. To stand in the midst of the battle and to not be moved.

I want to show my daughter how to be strong and stand for her faith. I don't want her to get caught up in the lies that to be strong means that we need to be independent and aggressive.

I don't want to be destructively fierce but beautifully fierce.

Xoxo,

Samantha

Paying the Consequences

Have you ever done something that you knew you shouldn't?

Today I did and trust me. I learned my lesson.

 Remember how I mentioned a few posts ago about my new paleo lifestyle and how I think I have an intolerance to some sort of grain or gluten? I had a few...ok a bunch of Oreos. And then I had some awesome pasta corn Alfredo thingy that Matt made for dinner. 

And now I'm paying the consequences. I. Feel. Terrible...Seriously. And the worst part? This isn't even the worst act I've ever committed! 

I'm a liar, a cheat, a jerk, I'm greedy, lustful, gluttonous, I used to swear like a sailor, I'm jealous and the worst? Christ has died because of me..because of my sins. 

And not just because of me but because of the sins of the world... Because the only way for us to be with Him was by his death. He provided a way for us to have a relationship with Him and to spend eternity with Him. 

So what I find amazing besides the fact that Christ wants a relationship with us, is that we no longer have to pay the consequences for our sins...my sins. 

Not only did He provide a way for us, but once we accept Him as Christ, our slate is washed clean and His righteousness is stamped on us. 

Nothing we say or do can ever change that. 

What about them apples?? :)

PhotoCredit: bytheirstrangefruit.blogspot.com

The only thing we have to do is repent of our sins and accept that Christ has paid the consequences for us. 

So between friends, what about you? I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in the whole sinning business. 

Have you accepted Christs' work? 

If not, please, please, please, contact me or someone else you trust, who knows Christ, and start a relationship with the most amazing Father ever. 

Xoxo,

Samantha

Faithful Fridays!

So I was able to get together with some wonderful people on my Hubby's side of the family during Mothers Day and I was so so encouraged to hear all the amazing ways that the Lord was providing for their families. After talking to Matt's Aunt Sandy, she gave me an idea on keeping a list of all the ways that the Lord provides through gifts. I won't be counting awesome sales, but through people's gifts and free things the Lord has provided for us!

I'm thinking of it as kind of like Ann Voskamp's "One Thousand Gifts", ya know? Writing down all the things I'm thankful for and whatnot...

This will forever be known as Faithful Friday!

So because I didn't keep track of everything before this, I'll just write down what I can remember and keep track from here on out!

Faithful Friday!!!

~A few months ago, the Lord provided a complete white bedroom set for Lily. This includes a Twin sized white bed, a desk, chest, nightstand, and three matching lamps that fit perfectly with the white changing table and crib that we had found and were given previously. 

~Through a family friend, He has provided us with a free package of diapers, wipes, and many gifts of food items!

~I am also thankful for the many gifts of venison and pork and beef ribs from family and family friends.

~ Also, I'm thankful for the free riding lawn mower from an amazingly compassionate family friend.

~I'm so very grateful for the free grill that my father has given to Matthew and I.  

~I'm thankful for my daughter and how she LOVES sweet potatoes and Butternut Squash! 

~ I'm thankful for my hardworking Husband and how The Father always seems to give him enough at work to provide for us. 

~ I'm also thankful for Matthew's parents babysitting Lily when I go to work, it's such a relief not having to worry who she is with and if she is safe and happy. She LOVES playing with her grandparents and is a bunch of excitement when they come over!

I could continue thanking our Father for everything from the sunshine to the breath He is giving us, but I think I'll stop there. 

What are you thankful for? How about your faithful friday? I would love to hear about how our Father is providing for you!

Xoxo,

Samantha

Learning to Set Aside Selfishness

So I can honestly say that I thought I wasn't very selfish until recently. It actually wasn't until Matthew and I were married that I realized just how big of a part selfishness really played in my life. And marriage has been a very humbling experience so far, especially due to the ever loving and patient husband of mine. 

It's difficult to be ok with selfish behavior when your Hubs is almost always thoughtful and selfless. (disclaimer: He is not perfect, but he is an amazing husband, father, and all around man. And I firmly believe that I am the luckiest woman alive!)

So for those who know me (and don't), I'm not a very intentional person. I am used to living by the seat of my pants, soaring on the wings of my emotions and sometimes (read: almost always…) that causes me to think thoughts and do things that aren't right. I take things and people for granted, and sometimes I am rather egotistical. Although I believe that last little bit only rears its ugly head when I am super insecure…really. 

Anyway, I've taken to learning how to become more intentional, as a wife, a mother, and a person in general. As you can tell, I've realized that I am really very selfish. I'm rather proud that I've noticed this as it's obviously escaped me until recently. 

How did I come across this revelation you ask? Well, let me tell you. First, my poor Hubs works an insane amount of hours most weeks as I am a stay at home mom. Now this isn't what makes me selfish but it is something that has started to make it glaringly obvious. As a stay at home mom, I have a lot more time on my hands that I did as a working woman.. kind of. 

So I sat down with Matt and asked what would make his coming home super wonderful and cause him to look forward to it more than he already does. Things like a picked up living room, and a dinner on the stove are just two ideas we came upon. I was ready to jump on this and was gung-ho for doing this every day to make his 50 or 60+ hr work weeks easier to manage. 

Yet there I was, not even two weeks later, watching countless episodes of whatever series on Netflix, "managing" our daughter as she plays with her toys. Now, nothing against watching shows or whatever, but I have noted for my own growth that when I watch things, I. can't. stop. Seriously, it's horrid!

I sit there, for hours watching episode after episode because I can't wait to see what happens next. As the hours until my love's return turns to minutes I still sit there, unaware until he arrives and then I feel guilty for not making dinner or cleaning! So I run around like a little dirt devil cleaning the living room and am stressed out and overwhelmed by the time he makes it to the door. (Gosh I'm freaking out just reading this!)

See where my selfishness comes in? I have hours and hours and hours a day to be intentional with the time given to me, to raise Lily and provide a welcoming home for Matthew. This isn't the only example by far, but it is one that has become a thorn in my heart. One that has caused me pain and one that I am vowing to change. 

Selfishness will always be with me, at least until I reach Heaven. I don't expect to be selfless 100% of the time but I am going to work on being intentional and as Ephesians 5:16-17 says 

"16 Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. 17 Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do."

So that is what I will do. I will make the most of every opportunity and not act thoughtlessly. I understand that the Lord calls me to seek Him and to carry my cross. I will do so and in the process learn intentionality and selflessness. 

Pray for me as I continue this journey of seeking Christ and learning to die to my self and sinful nature.

How can I pray for you?

Xoxo,
Samantha

But you, O Lord..

This passage from a day or two ago has struck me today more than I could have imagined. Reading it at the time I was like "Yeah! He is my shield, protecting me from outside stuff.." But today, today I see more truth and grace in this verse. 

In the midst of this struggle God kinda took me aside and wrapped His arms around me and calmed my heart. This verse in Psalms 3 isn't just a "protecting me from outside stuff" verse. He is protecting me from myself. 

I imagine myself on my knees bearing the weight of insecurity and doubt struggling to breathe. Then there He is, a shield around me, pushing back the voices and the hate, protecting His daughter from the lies and insecurities, shielding me from myself, and in His glory, lifting up my face to Him. To return to Him and Truth. He calms my heart and bring me peace in the midst of it all. Reminding me that I am worth far more than precious jewels. 

Whatever it is for you, whatever struggle and burden that is weighing you down. Ripping your heart from your chest, bringing you to your knees and causing you to struggle to survive, know that the Lord is there to shield you. He IS a shield for you, the One that we can glory in, and the One who will lift up your head. 

My friend, can I call you that?

We don't know too terribly much about each other at this point. But can I tell you something? 

I'm struggling. I'm striving to survive. My doubts and insecurities and worries wear me down and I can't keep up trying to take captive all of these thoughts. 

All of these lies..

But we have hope; we are NOT alone. Verse 4 continues on to say

 "I cried aloud to the Lord, and He answered me from His holy hill."

Did you catch that? David cried to the Lord and He answered him!! I am confident that we can cry aloud to the Lord and He will answer us just as He has answered David and so many before and after Him.

I don't know about you my friend, but I will be crying aloud to the Lord. During the struggles and the heartbreak and in the midst of the storm, I will cry aloud to the Lord and know that He is my shield, protecting me from myself and the world and lifting up my head. 

xoxo,
Samantha

Sorry For the Delay..Goals of 2014!

I know, it's been a while... more like two weeks to be precise, but as it has been with everyone else, these last two weeks have been really busy. Between Christmas and New Years Eve I like to call "black out." Nothing serious happens and I don't try to plan anything in between. 

Soo now that it's over, WE'RE BACK ON BABY!! (speaking of baby, Lily has officially broken her first tooth! It's in the process of coming through but it's broken through the gum!! Hooray!!!)

So my sister-in-law, Laura, posted a status on her facebook right before New Years Eve asking

 "What three words describe your hopes and goals for 2014?"

I have to admit that this made me stop and think. I've seen a few posts about people deciding to choose one word for their resolution this year and thought that it was a fantastic idea. Laura writing this status gave me the nudge I needed to put this idea into play and come up with my own words for this year. 

Here are my three words and why.

Grace:

I chose grace as my first word because it is not only a reminder of God's grace but the grace that I need to extend to myself and others daily as well. 

First, I need to be reminded of God's unfailing and amazing grace. I have this stupid idea that I need to be perfect in everything including things that I am trying for the first time. If I'm not then my panties get all in a bunch and I'm flustered and give in to my sinful self and tend to continue in this anger driven mood. So this reminds me that I can never be perfect and that's why God's grace is so amazing to begin with, because by definition it is Him giving me what I don't deserve. So if His mercies are new each morning then I need to extend myself grace and mercy as well.

Dedication:

I chose dedication as my second word for 2014 because I have a problem with not seeing things through. I need to learn dedication in not only the small things such as working out, but in the more important things like seeking the Lord DAILY and learning to be a good steward of all that He has provided for our family. 

On that note, I've officially restarted my fitness workouts through a DVD called T25. It's made by the same guy, Shaun T, who created Insanity. It's 25 minutes a day, 5 days a week with Saturday a day of rest and Sunday a stretch day. It's a lower impact than insanity but it definitely kicks my butt!! I started on the 1st and will Lord willing, continue daily until it's complete, wherein I will probably start over ;) 

And I've started going through the Psalms for a devotional, using Nancy Leigh DeMoss's book 30 days in the Psalms as a guide. I have to say that spending quality time in the Word and with the Lord every day makes a HUGE difference in my perspective and responses through out the day. I find that my heart and mind seek Him more. 

Transformation:

As for transformation, it's kind of simple. My heartfelt desire is: 

^"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." Romans 12:2

Not only do I desire to be transformed through the renewing of my mind in the Word, but I also desire to transform this vessel into something that can be used to glorify Him who made me. In my own convictions, I feel that I need to be healthy and take care of the body that He gave to me. So I can be an example to my family and others, and so that I can better live the life He has so graciously given to me. By taking care of myself I can take care of my family and doing so allows me to keep up with my daughter and show love to my Husband. 


So those are my three words for the year 2014. I would absolutely LOVE to hear from everyone about their goals and opinions. 

Please, Please, Please feel free to comment! 

xoxo,
Samantha

An Epiphany!

So here I am chillin at work, wishing there was something to do other than daydream and then it hit me!

I can pray. 

Seriously! How awesome is it that we can go to the Throne Of Grace and talk with the One who made us and loves us. How amazing that He wants us to talk to Him. Even though He knows every second, makes and holds every moment together,  Yet He desires us to open our hearts and chat with Him. 

I'm in awe. So as I sit here realizing how lucky I am to have the ability to pray to Him who made and holds the universe together, I want to encourage you. Challenge you, even. 

How is your prayer life? How often do you talk to the One who wants to hear every moment, every detail. The One, who will never grow tired of hearing you and can encourage your heart and give peace to your soul. 

Oh and a question... How can I pray for you?? 

I obviously have some free time on my hands. ;)

xoxo,

Samantha

It's Catching Fire...

Catching Fire, the latest installment in the Hunger Games trilogy, and one of the best movies I've seen in a while. This was going to be a post about the dinner and movie date that Matthew took me on and about how amazing this movie was. 

Yet after watching it, after hearing what I heard...to write merely a movie review would be a waste. A waste of time and breath. So let me get to the good part, the part that I've been thinking about and praying about for a few days now. I prayed and prayed that God would give me the words to say and to make this post shine for His glory. I pray that He uses this to free you as well my friend. 

Have you ever felt it? The paralyzing fear, the kind that rips your breath from your chest, bleeds your eyes of its tears, and breaks your body to force it to the ground? 

Have you ever felt it?

I have, I've been there, the fear of the unknown, the fear of losing my family...of what is in the dark. 

It was an unwelcome friend, accompanying me along this life's journey, breaking me at my weakest. When what I needed most was Hope, fear ripped me away. 

But No More...

No more..Fear will no longer have dominion over me. It will no longer have the power to break me, to strip me of reality, to take me from Truth. 

You see, this is why this phrase struck me at the core, the very heartstrings of my heart. It burned through the skin and melded itself into my bone, infused in my marrow. Hope....hope. That is my defense. 

Hope in what? Is hope truly that strong? It is more than just hope, it is Who you hope in. My hope is in Christ. The One who not only sacrificed Himself to pay for our sins, but Who rose from the dead and conquered Death in His wake. He is my hope. Whom shall I fear when the Lord of ALL CREATION is in me and beside me. Fear, where is your power?? 

My friends, if Christ is your hope, you are no longer under the power of fear. Christ has redeemed you from this, you are no longer its slave! When you stumble into fear's realm, when you take that step and recognize the icy cold touch of fear sliding through your veins, threatening to steal your breath and claim your emotions, remember Who your hope is. Pray, dear friend, and Christ will comfort you. 

 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus ~~Philippians 4:6,7

So I ask you, where is your hope? Do you even have hope? When the freezing fingers of fear threaten your throat, where do you turn? To Whom do you turn? It's only through Christ that we have freedom from fear. He is the only one who can give us peace, the peace that we can't begin to understand. 

So I ask you again, to Whom do you turn during these moments? Is your hope stronger than fear? Mine?...Well, Mine conquered the grave.

xoxo,

Samantha

Free To Fail...

Hey,

Today I am learning a very hard lesson. One that I have been learning since I came to know of Christ. A lesson that is difficult but is also very freeing once you understand and accept it. 

This lesson is in Failure.

Let me just tell you that I tend to learn the hardest lessons over silly little mistakes and mishaps. For example, today I was trying to do a million and one things after I came home from work. Lily, our beautiful and sweet baby, was fussy and didn't want anything to do with being put down. For some reason she wanted to be held and nothing else would do. 

For those of you with children or who have had to care for children, you know how difficult it is to get anything done when both of your hands are tied up in baby pants and keeping their fingers out of your hair...Anyway, to continue with our story, I worked very hard on making two homemade loaves of bread before my wonderful Hubby came home. I listened and tried to soothe Lily for nearly an hour as I prepped and made the dough and held her while I let it rise. After three excruciating hours of work, the bread was ready to bake. My AMAZING ( I did tell you he was amazing right?) Hubs put the bread in the oven for me while I was doing my workout. 

When we pulled out the bread we buttered it thinking it would harden a little. That the crust would get crispy. Unfortunately it didn't. We realized that it was still doughy and tried to put it back in the oven to cook a little longer. Lets just say that trying to bake buttered bread isn't wise... butter smokes.....a lot. 
This doughy, smoking bread caused me to cry in frustration and anger. I basically estranged myself from my wonderfully amazing Hubby because he was being "too reasonable" and didn't want to make the house smokey by baking the bread. It's moments like this that remind me that God probably, most definitely made Matthew with me in mind. 

Matthew showed me patience, understanding, and love in these last two hours than I could begin to tell you. This man right here... sitting next to me actually, is an amazing Man of God. As I laid on the bed talking to him about failure and unrealistic expectations, he said something to me... something I don't think I can ever forget. 

He said, "Christ died for us so that way we don't have to try to be perfect!....I don't want a wife that is perfect, I want one that will make mistakes with me."

My friends, I want to leave you with this idea, this Truth. We are free to fail. You are not defined by what you do.. you are defined by Who He is.

I am not defined as the girl who ruins loaves but rather the daughter of the Most High.
I am not defined as the person who can do nothing right but rather as the daughter who is a new creation. 

We are Free to Fail because that is not who we are..we are Children of God, loved and treasured. We are forgiven and redeemed, washed in the blood of the Lamb. We are defined by what Christ has done for us, not the things we have done.

So remember this when you learn this lesson, failure isn't who you are..your identity is found in Christ. 

xoxo

Samantha