#Shameless About Marriage

Ok so this awesome Momma blogger, Kristen, that I follow put up an awesome post about feeling shame for having a good marriage, and you can read that bad boy here. But I thought that I'd put a plug in on my little corner because I'm feeling it.

I feel the awkwardness of talking to people about our marriage. Where I am so excited to talk about being with my best friend but I tend to draw back because I know we haven't had the hardships that someone else has.

But when people call us naive or they say, "Just you wait" or tell us we are in the honeymoon stage still, I'm tired of it. We have only been married 2 1/2 years but my hubs and I work hard for our marriage and we shouldn't have to feel ashamed to talk about how great it is for us.

Yeah, we haven't gone through the really hard stuff but that doesn't mean that we haven't had difficulties. Anytime you bring two sinners from two different backgrounds you will have struggles. But that does not mean that it's impossible to work through them. I've seen good and bad marriages, I watched my parents get divorced, and I watched my grandmother hold my grandfather's hand until the very end. I've listened to the testimonies of friends whose marriages went to the cliff and by God's grace they worked through it! So I'm not naive, I know it can be hard, but I also know that a good solid marriage is possible, and we shouldn't be resigned to expecting the worst.

Now I'm not saying that I have it all figured out, and that we won't have any troubles, because the Lord knows Matt and I will hurt and disappoint each other, but we stand together every step of the way and the longer we are together the more I am amazed and humbled by the man that I married. I love knowing that I don't have to worry if he will leave me and he doesn't have to worry about me leaving him because divorce is not an option for us. We chose while engaged that divorce was off the table, and that forces us to stop and talk things out. 

We don't go and rant and rave to other people, we don't keep a list of things the other person has done wrong, we try our best to be understanding when the other person is having an "off" day. Most importantly though, we both seek Jesus. We learned a lot of great tools while we were going through premarital counseling, but can I be honest? Nothing compares to both of you working hard to seek Jesus and put the other person first. 

So the next time someone asks you how your marriage is doing, allow yourself some joy to erupt there lady, because whether you have been married decades or days, have been through the valley of death or are walkin on sunshine, your marriage is something you should be happy about. And I can guarantee you that you won't be the only one feeling shameless about your great marriage.

I know I will be.

Xoxo,

Samantha

Bittersweet Memories.

So, as we draw nearer to seeing our baby boy in April, I can't help but remember our first baby. We are so blessed to have Lily, but we are also sad about the loss of our first child. I have a feeling though that losing a child is something that will stay with Matt and I our entire lives. I know that neither of us wants to forget that precious first babe.

Although we never met our child, losing him or her was an experience we never want to have again. And for those women and men who have felt the pain of losing a child, either in the womb or after birth..I can not express my sorrow for your loss. Losing a child is something that no parent should have to endure, and contrary to popular belief, a babe in the womb is still a life, and a sorrowful loss.

I know that I can't speak for everyone, but I've found that time has healed that wound for the most part and now it's not as hard to remember our dear babe. We can look back with bittersweet memories. Like waking Matthew up in the early morning with the good news, and dreaming up what our family would look like. They were the firsts for us. Our first glimpse into the family life we wanted, our first pregnancy test.

Like I said, they are bittersweet. Yet we wouldn't want to forget them even if we could.

I know some can't quite relate, while others have deeper sorrows they bear. And whatever season of life you are in, you are not alone. For us, with this little one coming, we can't help but be grateful for the support of our families and friends. The way God has used them to provide for us has been amazing. We are so blessed to have such support.

So whether you can sit there and relate or not, just take the time, during this "Happiest Time Of The Year", to encourage someone who is carrying a heavy burden. If you can, see if they wouldn't mind some support. I know that even though we didn't want to talk about it for a while, knowing that people cared and were praying was more comforting than hearing " I'm sorry" all the time.

Anyway, I hope that this encouraged someone. :)

Xoxo,

Samantha

My Family Is My Ministry

OK so, for roughly 8 almost 9 years now I have been preparing to be a missionary and work overseas to share the mercy and grace of Christ. Every action was weighed against that end destination. I saved instead of bought, my schooling was based on this, and now I am here. In the states, a wife and a mother.

This is not where I expected to end up.

And this is not at all what I prepared for.

You see, I have a love for cultures and am generally quick at learning languages. My passion and heart are for those overseas in foreign lands. And this is a work in progress, believe me, but I'm being honest when I say that I am burdened more for the tribe in the middle of the jungle than I am my next door neighbors.

So believe me when I say that in no way was I "ready" to become a wife and mother. I didn't learn to bake from scratch, I didn't learn to sew, I couldn't keep a plant alive much less grow a garden, I don't separate our laundry by color, I don't know how to decorate, and am not good with staying frugal, but here I am, and these skills would have been wonderful to have learned earlier. 

Yet, as I learn to become a better provider for my family on the homemaking front, and am learning all the nuances of being a mother, my eyes and heart have been opened and exposed to a truth that I have never known before.

My family is my ministry.

My husband, my children, these people that I see on a daily basis and love most dearly are my ministry. I am called to love my husband, to respect, encourage, follow, uphold in prayer, and care for him. And our children, we are called to point them to Christ, cherish, protect, provide for, and love them.

With every breath and action I am to be pointing my family to grace and mercy and the redemption through Christ. And sometimes this is by caring for my family's material needs, like clean dishes, fresh food, and clean clothes. For our children, through every hug, kiss, and story during the day I need to be conveying Christ's love, mercy, and grace to them.

For Matthew , this will look a little different. I need to trust him, love, encourage, pray for, and more importantly respect him. In today's world, women are told that they can and should assert themselves by doing everything and, almost, anything a man can do. We aren't told that we need to respect our guys. Men are portrayed as incapable, selfish, stupid beings who can't multitask as well as women and are *almost* worthless.

But my dear friends, that is a horrid lie. Our men are strong and capable. They can be wise and compassionate, they are made in the image of Christ and even though they are sinners just as you and I are, doesn't mean that they are in any way inferior or that as women we are superior beings.

We are called to respect our men. And until we start tearing down the lies of this world in our own hearts then we will never be able to encourage and love our men as we should.

So, I may not be where I expected to end up, and I may be closer to New York City than the tribal people that I love so dearly. But that does not mean that I am in a limbo state waiting until a certain time to profess Christ and minister to others.

Your family is your ministry. Colossians 3:23 (NLT) says "Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people." Christ died for each and every one of your family members and mine. So why are we being selfish rather than selfless? We should be caring for and ministering to our families, whether through material provision or spiritual encouragement.

I know that realizing this has influenced how I approach my tasks such as laundry and dishes and cleaning. This has become a way for me to physically show Christ's love and my love to my family by caring for their needs. To show that I love them enough to provide a safe haven for them to come home to, or relax in.

Our home is a place that I take seriously. I don't want just anyone waltzing in. Now don't take that as an inhospitable spirit, but rather taking my responsibility as a mother and a wife seriously. I don't want to allow someone into my family's safe haven if they only plan on tearing my family apart. I won't invite a woman who has the hots for my husband, or a child's friend who is not pointing them to Christ. You see, just as caring for my family physically is important, their spiritual walk with Christ is even more necessary to encourage and protect.

In the end, my family is my ministry. This is where I am to be serving first and foremost, however that manifests, until the end of my days.

Xoxo,

Samantha

Some Words Of Wisdom for Newlyweds.

When Matthew and I became engaged, I remember asking around to some trusted ladies about what words of wisdom they had concerning marriage and what they wished someone would have told them. I got a lot of funny one liners and some very serious and awesome advice. Now, after nearly two years of marriage (a long time I know, haha) I wanted to share with others the few words of wisdom and some personal experiences that I have clung onto. 

1. Love and Respect:

First, I believe that you need to show your husband respect in public and in private. It's very difficult to show respect to someone in public if privately you don't respect them. Your marriage will die a slow and painful death should you not show your man this respect. Respect to a man is like love is to a woman. It's a deep seated need that needs to be shown. I believe also that you are called to show your husband respect whether or not you think he deserves it. Verse 33 in the following passage says that wives are to respect their husbands. There is no clause, no exceptions, no only if's. He is now the head of the house and is leading your family of two or however many and as the head of this family you are called to respect him. I believe it says a lot about this in the passage below.

Ephesians 5:22-33 NIV 22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy,cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-- 30 for we are members of his body. 31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32 This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

 To the man, you must show your wife love. You are called to love her as Christ loves the Church, which is an unconditional, sacrificial love. There are no exceptions for this as well. She needs your love and without it, your marriage will struggle greatly. Marriage is meant to bring each other closer to Christ, so when you get into a spat don't be afraid to talk things out. Your spouse isn't a mind reader and most likely they aren't catching those "hints" that you're dropping. If you notice that this is a rather touchy point in your marriage, you should pick up the book Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson. It's a great resource and I think that it will help and influence a marriage as long as the couples are truly starting with an open heart and mind. 

2. Never Go to Bed Angry: 

There have been many times that Matthew and I have had disagreements. I was told before we were married though, by numerous people to never go to bed angry as it will keep the hurt and anger festering into bitterness that will poison your heart and ruin your marriage from the inside out. Sometimes it's a pride issue, we need to sit down and talk things out instead of yelling or fighting and maybe, just maybe we need to suck it up and apologize even when we think we are right. Because when it comes down to it, is winning an argument more important than our marriage?

3. Compromise, Compromise, Compromise:

Alright so this one is something I'm still learning. Matthew and I are two different people with two completely different backgrounds and we grew up knowing two totally different ways of doing things. Now that we are married and living under the same roof we are learning that the way we do something isn't the only way and sometimes it's not necessarily the best way. For example, Matt grew up with casseroles for dinner, and I grew up with venison, hamburger helper and fish sticks (at least that's what I remember… Love you Mom! haha). So when we got married and were trying to make dinners together, it was quite an eye opener for the both of us. So take note newlyweds, and even not so newlyweds, compromise is so very important for the health of your marriage.

4. Realize You Married a Sinner:

Alrighty, here's one that is thrust upon you really quickly. You married a sinner. GET. THAT. THROUGH. YOUR. HEAD. Did you get that? Good, because this is something that you will have to remember for the rest of your life. That wonderfully amazing person that you have married or are about to marry, will hurt you. You will see the pitfalls after you start living together. There are so many different ways that this will manifest itself so I'll keep this one short, but remember dear friend that the love of your life will fall short, and so will you! Just remember to extend grace when their sin gets the best of them because you aren't perfect either.

5. Maintain Your Individuality:

So this one I'm just learning the importance of now. I have realized that Matthew and I like different things (contrary to our dating experience haha) and that this is totally fine. Even though I am a Wife and a Mother, I am also Samantha, a 22 year old who likes to go for long walks on the beach and candle lit dinners…haha but really, there are things that I do to relax and enjoy myself and there are things that Matthew does. For example, I would LOVE to just sit in a bay window with a blanket and a good book, or go for a walk in the sunshine. Matthew loves to relax via his favorite game or sit with a good cup of joe. These differences are totally fine and necessary for us to maintain who we are. Also now that we are parents we are also trying to find a balance between raising our daughter, who takes up a lot of time, and stoking the fire of our marriage. We don't want to be those people who, after we have an empty nest, don't recognize the person we are married to! Thus maintaining our individuality as a couple and personally is important. No one should become wholly wrapped up in someone else and lose themselves. 

So there you go! The words of wisdom and some personal experiences that I've had that I believe need to be passed on to the next set of newlyweds and anyone who hasn't heard these before. Although this is written for married couples, I believe that anyone can take some of these and apply them to their lives. 

What are some things that you have learned or heard through your marriage or through others? What words of wisdom would you pass on?

Xoxo,

Samantha

Learning to Set Aside Selfishness

So I can honestly say that I thought I wasn't very selfish until recently. It actually wasn't until Matthew and I were married that I realized just how big of a part selfishness really played in my life. And marriage has been a very humbling experience so far, especially due to the ever loving and patient husband of mine. 

It's difficult to be ok with selfish behavior when your Hubs is almost always thoughtful and selfless. (disclaimer: He is not perfect, but he is an amazing husband, father, and all around man. And I firmly believe that I am the luckiest woman alive!)

So for those who know me (and don't), I'm not a very intentional person. I am used to living by the seat of my pants, soaring on the wings of my emotions and sometimes (read: almost always…) that causes me to think thoughts and do things that aren't right. I take things and people for granted, and sometimes I am rather egotistical. Although I believe that last little bit only rears its ugly head when I am super insecure…really. 

Anyway, I've taken to learning how to become more intentional, as a wife, a mother, and a person in general. As you can tell, I've realized that I am really very selfish. I'm rather proud that I've noticed this as it's obviously escaped me until recently. 

How did I come across this revelation you ask? Well, let me tell you. First, my poor Hubs works an insane amount of hours most weeks as I am a stay at home mom. Now this isn't what makes me selfish but it is something that has started to make it glaringly obvious. As a stay at home mom, I have a lot more time on my hands that I did as a working woman.. kind of. 

So I sat down with Matt and asked what would make his coming home super wonderful and cause him to look forward to it more than he already does. Things like a picked up living room, and a dinner on the stove are just two ideas we came upon. I was ready to jump on this and was gung-ho for doing this every day to make his 50 or 60+ hr work weeks easier to manage. 

Yet there I was, not even two weeks later, watching countless episodes of whatever series on Netflix, "managing" our daughter as she plays with her toys. Now, nothing against watching shows or whatever, but I have noted for my own growth that when I watch things, I. can't. stop. Seriously, it's horrid!

I sit there, for hours watching episode after episode because I can't wait to see what happens next. As the hours until my love's return turns to minutes I still sit there, unaware until he arrives and then I feel guilty for not making dinner or cleaning! So I run around like a little dirt devil cleaning the living room and am stressed out and overwhelmed by the time he makes it to the door. (Gosh I'm freaking out just reading this!)

See where my selfishness comes in? I have hours and hours and hours a day to be intentional with the time given to me, to raise Lily and provide a welcoming home for Matthew. This isn't the only example by far, but it is one that has become a thorn in my heart. One that has caused me pain and one that I am vowing to change. 

Selfishness will always be with me, at least until I reach Heaven. I don't expect to be selfless 100% of the time but I am going to work on being intentional and as Ephesians 5:16-17 says 

"16 Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. 17 Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do."

So that is what I will do. I will make the most of every opportunity and not act thoughtlessly. I understand that the Lord calls me to seek Him and to carry my cross. I will do so and in the process learn intentionality and selflessness. 

Pray for me as I continue this journey of seeking Christ and learning to die to my self and sinful nature.

How can I pray for you?

Xoxo,
Samantha

Unplugged Connection

In this day and age almost everything we do is connected to technology and as wonderful as it can be, we sometimes forget how important it is to unplug and connect to others without it. Between facebook, twitter, emails, and texting who needs to see friends and connect in person? 

 And this is why I have decided to unplug for most of my day. 

So as I was perusing the blogs that I frequent and I found this post from a blog I follow called Unveiled Wife and was encouraged to use this "unplugged time" as if I was fasting. Now on her post they started the fast almost two years ago, but that doesn't mean that we can't fast whenever we feel led. 

And boy do I feel led. 

I want to use this time to nurture this budding marriage between my Hubs and I, and to deepen my prayer life with the Lord. 

Also after some prayer I have decided to personally fast from a few things that I usually eat or do on a daily basis as another personal reminder to spend more time with the Lord. So I've decided to give up eating sweets, candies, and I am fasting (outside of the time Matt and I are unplugged) from netflix and our video games for the next 40 days.

When I think of plugging in during those certain hours, I will instead be reminded to pray for or to connect with my daughter and those around me. 

My Hubs and I came to the realization two days ago that we were spending a very large portion of our very small time together on either netflix or playing video games on the PS3. 

Now don't get me wrong, those things aren't bad and I definitely don't have a problem with playing video games, but when it interferes with marriage or family relationships..then it's time to put that sucker down. 

And this is what we are doing. Matthew and I have decided that we are going to take at least two weeks and spend the few hours we get together unplugged from those things that are hindering our marriage. We just started our very first puzzle last night, and I have a feeling that our house will soon be decorated with all of this extra free time! 

I know my house cleaning skills are already benefitting!


So what about you friends? Take some time and really pray and consider if there is something that you need to "unplug" from? Whether it's to fast and seek the Lord or to nurture a marriage or relationship. I encourage you to do so and to comment below if you're willing so we can be in prayer for and encourage each other on the beautiful journey. 

xoxo,

Samantha