Have you ever felt lost? Because I'm there. I'm lost in knowing what I'm passionate about, I'm lost about what to write, I'm lost about what it means to be a good mom and wife and homemaker...lost about how all this fits into my faith in Jesus.
I'm a bit more than overwhelmed right now.
There is so much out there. So much information. Pinterest, facebook, Instagram, Twitter, apps I don't even know the name of! Everything telling you, or even worse, showing you what you should wear, how you should look, what food you need to make, what foods are off limits, what makes you a good person, what makes you worthless, or how to raise your kids, what you need to do to keep your man. How does a young woman, a young mom, and a young wife like me get through this? I don't even know where to start!
I feel like I'm having a life crisis at 25!
I wish we could go back, back to when times were a bit simpler; when pinterest wasn't telling me how to do my hair and nails and keep a tight toned body, and how I'm not raising my kids right because I didn't cut their food into animal shapes, and my daughter doesn't have 3rd grade level schooling by her 3rd birthday, or how to keep my man happy.
What happened to the days when parents could let their kids run outside without fear of being labeled a bad parent? When you put laundry outside to dry in the sun and when you were taught how to manage a home and make food and take care of yourself. The world was a bit bigger then, I think, and a bit easier. So have we, in the midst of this world becoming smaller, managed to lose this too?
Sometimes my amazing Mother-in-law jokes that I'm an old soul and I was born in the wrong time period. I can't help but laugh with her as I dream of hanging laundry to dry in the sun, and preserving foods, and as I get starry eyed in antique shops. I sometimes wonder why God put me here and now. I take comfort in what was told to Esther "Maybe God put you here for such a time as this". Yet I find myself asking why, in this age of business and information and immense social networks full of vastly lonely people, was I put here, instead of the days when staying home was of higher importance, and raising children was blessed rather than cursed, and when the family was honored.
Why am I put here...now?
What purpose can I serve when all I want to do is live simpler? When I struggle trying to find a balance between throwing out ALL the electronics in the house, and sometimes being slave to them. There has to be a reason why Christ has me here, now. Esther found her reason, to be an advocate for her people. But of what purpose do I have? And shouldn't I be more humble? What makes me think God even has a greater purpose for me? What if all He has for me is being a wife and mother? Will I be content in that? But how do I balance the responsibilities of being a wife and a mother with those of being a believer?
This might be why I want a simpler life! Hahaha!
There is so much going on in my head right now. I wish pinterest had a way to help me organize my brain hahaha..just kidding!....not really...
I love the convenience of technology, and all of these great ideas that come out of the world becoming smaller, but I am sad at what we are losing. What is being forgotten in the age of information. We are losing sight of what is worth our time, or rather Who is worth our time. We are putting more importance into how we braid our hair and how awesome our lives look instead of finding value in the One who holds everything together. We are forgetting the slower, simpler, easier lives that He has for us. When we honor His Words, and we set as important what He says is important, we become free from those bonds that are shackled to us. We are free from finding our worth in what we do or how many likes we get! You see, being intentional with people is more important than having a million likes. Hospitality with people is more important than taking a picture to show people how great your watermelon cake looks. When did we begin to lose sight of the importance of being with people, in person? When did we lose sight of the fact that Jesus wants PEOPLE, not "likes" or "retweets". Yes we can reach people through these means..I have a blog for Pete's sake! ( p.s. hi Pete and Jenna! Haha) So I believe we can reach people through these, but what about your neighbors? When was the last time you invited them over for dinner? When was the last time you took a breath and slowed down? People are the Church, the Bride of Christ, not quotes or pictures or even creative blogs and videos about Him. The Body of Christ is made of People. In our smaller, busier world, we seem to have forgotten this.
So honestly, I'm not sure my thoughts are even making sense. But a dear friend of mine approached me recently and reached into my chest and pumped my heart until it was beating again. Her coming up to me was definitely not a coincidence, and it was most definitely a moment orchestrated by God. Her encouragement to me was exactly what I needed, and our Church's memory verse for this week, by God's design, managed to fit right into what I'm struggling in. It is 1 Timothy 4:12 which says "Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity." This verse is really hitting me hard this week because I am struggling with the fact I am young. I AM looking down on myself because of my youth. What do I know? I'm only 25...what can I say to those who have already lived life? They know so much more... I have only lived a little. I am so new to all of this.
My friend reminded me that what I say might have already been said, but not in the way I am going to say it, not in the way God has allowed me to type it and experience it. Just because I am young, doesn't mean that my opinions or experiences are worthless. God can use my words to reach people, to touch their souls like mine has been touched. Either way, this blog isn't about how awesome I can be or what new "revelation" I can bring to the table, but rather being faithful to walk through this life in the way that Christ has called me to. Whether it is in writing or mothering or homemaking or just by living.
And I intend to do just that.
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