Learning to Shabbath..aka Sabbath

Hey again!

So I've been going to a ladies bible study for a while now, over a year I believe, wow! And I've been amazed at what I've learned about fellowship and friendship and how the Body of Christ is supposed to work. This group of gals has changed my life and my walk with Jesus.

We have been doing Priscilla Shirer's study called Breathe, and let me tell you..whew! Jesus has been reshaping what I believe rest to be, through this study.

I've learned that rest is more than just stopping everything so I can have "Me time". It is more than sitting on the sofa and vegging in front of the tv.

Sabbath rest, from what I've learned so far, is about creating margin for fellowship with Jesus. It is about actively setting aside time to worship Him. It is about getting rid of excess in either your schedule, closet, to do list, or mentality, and choosing to keep those things from crossing over their boundaries.

You've heard the phrase "Everything in moderation" before, right?

I'm learning to see the signs of when things are no longer in moderation..when I'm irritable at people for interrupting what I'm doing, when things that shouldn't fall to the side, do..when it consumes my thoughts and my desires, and most importantly, when it causes me to stop actively seeking Truth.

I'm realizing that although I've been freed from my slavery to self and sin, that I'm still living like a slave.. I'm still holding on, gripping with white knuckles, clutched tightly to my chest, the things that I believe will set me free..will bring me peace..will make me happy.

Things I think I need..

What. A. LIE.

I've been seeking everything but the One who can set me free..who has set me free..

I've been a seeker for everything that doesn't matter..tv shows, video games, books, being a "good wife", seeking and seeking and seeking everything but Jesus.

I'm done.

I'm taking a Sabbath rest from being a seeker...

From seeking what people might consider good or ok things to be seeking out. And in this case, it is a matter of my walk with Jesus, not whether it is wrong to seek what your passions are.

I've been unknowingly making this an idol. 

Finding who I am other than a mom, what I like to do, what skills and passions I have.

I've felt the gentle hand of God, and seen the grace and miracle He has given me, and am choosing to fall on my face before the throne of Him who loves me more than anyone could ever love me. Who cares for me more than this earth and the galaxies He has created!

Who am I to forget all He has done?? Who am I that He even loves me? After all the times I've sinned against Him and turned from Him.

Oh God.. You are surely gracious and deserve the praise of everything You've made.

How great is our God! ❤

My friend, if you feel the gently prodding or sometimes the brick wall of God talking to you, 

DON'T turn away.

Don't be afraid to ask Him if there is something that is outside of its boundaries in your life. You'll be amazed at the freedom you forgot He's given you.

Xoxo,
Sam

Lilies Of The Valley

Have you ever wondered if you were a friend of God? If He has even heard you? Or if you were just talking to thin air hoping for some sort of response from something bigger than you?

I have lately been struggling in my walk with Christ. I've been struggling with whether or not God cares for me, or better stated, me as a person. Not me the wife or me the mom. You see, I wear a lot of hats; I am, as I stated, a wife, a mom, a chef, a nutritionist, a meal planner, a maid, a one-person laundromat, a one-woman woman post office, a hairstylist, a fashion consultant, a confidante, a nurse, an interior decorator, a professional referee, a landscape, a researcher, teacher, an owner's manual for all things in the house, a kids friendly version of Merriam Webster, an herbalist, and a woman. But I am also a Christian , the daughter of the King, I am free and forgiven, and a friend of God.

Sometimes though, I forget that last one. Sometimes I forget that I'm a friend of God, and He calls me friend. Sometimes forget who I am in Him and that He loves me. I know that I'm forgiven, I know that I'm saved, I know that He is my God. Yet I forget he cares for me as a person.

In my wearing all of those hats I lose sight of that important detail. That he cares for me. Not just my husband, who is the leader of the house. Not just my children. He cares for me. Samantha. God knows me and has not forgotten me in the midst of motherhood and marriage.

During bible study the ladies and I have been going through a book about Sabbath rest, and how this rest is crucial to our walk with Christ. I'm learning, that I need to take a Sabbath rest from searching for who I am and what I like. You see, Sabbath rest is more than just stopping something. Sabbath rest is actually an active rest. It is choosing to rest in God. It is choosing to fellowship with God and finding sweet release in that. And I am finding that I'm losing sight of this as I grip more and more tightly, and as I seek more and more.

I am losing sight of Jesus.

I want to tell you about a miracle.

Now disclaimer, I like to think this is a miracle because I know my God. I know that He loves me, little old me. And I know that He is mindful of me and that He hears me when I call, even when I'm questioning Him. And it's in those moments, that I've noticed God to be very tangible in my life. So with that in mind, let me tell you about the Lilies of the Valley.

Now in my yard it's not easy to grow things. The sun is spotty here and there are so many trees around my house that it's hard to find a spot to grow things. Or even a spot that gets substantial sunlight. It is also hard, to grow flowers for that same reason. Now I don't know about you but I'm not exactly a green thumb. I struggle keeping daffodils and tulips alive, and if things thrive in my yard, it is solely the work of God.

Now this year though, some things have popped up. Take for example our honeysuckle bush. This bush was put in by the previous owners and although it hasn't blossomed in a while, this year it has. I think that is because of my half Hazard pruning though. But something amazing happened. The left side of the staircase going up to a house there are a bunch of rocks, and this is very slanted and hard area. Even the bushes don't grow in there. Although we do have a family of chipmunks living underneath the rocks.

But as I was sitting in Bible study wondering if God really cared for me as a person and took into consideration what I wanted, not what my husband wanted, but who I really am and what I really like. I began to realize something amazing. 

God has given me a sure sign of His love that I didn't recognize before.

My neighbor across the street is an amazing woman, she plants her flowers and they blossom she has an amazing array of Flora. Sadly, I do not have her abilities. But when I saw a flower I did not immediately recognize, although I had a hunch of what it might be, I immediately thought to ask her. So I brought over the flower and I asked her what it was. She took a look at it and said "This is a lily of the valley!"  and she looked quite amazed because no one in my neighborhood has Lily of the Valley flowers.

No. one.

I thought that was pretty interesting, seeing as I basically have an almost black thumb and the previous owners of our house never planted Lily of the valleys here.

Yet here they are in the rockiest part of our yard blossoming in a row.

Now honestly, this makes me cry thinking about it. Because our God is such a good God! There is a verse in Matthew 6, well actually the whole section of verses 25 through 34, about worrying, and what life really is about, and what we shouldn't worry about. I'm pretty sure though we've all heard it before. About how God provides for the birds, who do nothing, and for the lilies of the field and how, if He provides for them, and we are of much more value than they, why do we worry about whether or not God will provide?!

Let me tell you, we have been struggling with Matt's job. Faults on both sides have changed some things in his job. We have been wondering how we would go about making ends meet as I stay home with our babies and try to hoks our baby fever at bay. And as I sat in Bible study talking to these ladies about my fears, and insecurities, and doubts, and how I question whether or not God cares. I came to realize that these lilies that God has planted in the rockiest part of our yard, where nothing else can grow, is a miracle. It is tangible evidence of God's love and care for me!

So as I sit there questioning weather God sees me and hears me, I remember that these flowers are not easy to grow. They are very difficult to grow, yet here they are, and in the rockiest part of my yard, where none have ever been before.

Oh God, who am I that You are mindful of me? That You hear me when I call?

Oh my dear friend, please don't allow yourself to forget that He hears you and that He cares. If our God provides for the flowers that fade, and for the birds who don't toil away, how much more will He provide for us? Us, whom He sent HIS Son to die for?

Those Lilies are my tangible remembrance of God's love for me.

What has God provided you as a rememberance of His love?

Xoxo,
Sam

A Little Bit of Everything!

Hey! So I figured I'd probably better post again 😂

Things have been going a bit better since my last post. Praise God! Although I'm a little anxious today and feel like I just wanna "check out" to avoid how out of control my emotions can be sometimes. But Praise God that scripture seeps into your soul and that the Spirit brings truth to your mind when you don't remember yourself. God is so good to me. ❤

Anyway, lately I seem to be struggling to get the kids to eat anything green or veggie related. Seriously..this is so annoying! I've made like 4 dinners in a row that the kids just haven't wanted to eat but I feel guilty throwing out because Matt can't take it on the road and they have some sort of pasta or bread that I can't have or I will feel physically terrible. I'm slowly learning that yeah, I don't want to waste food everyday, but it is OK to throw food out instead of eating it myself and putting myself into this self hatred/physically I'll cycle that happens.

It is OK if I don't eat that food and instead throw it out..

I have to say it out loud sometimes.

Just being real with y'all.

Anyway, I've been throwing myself into figuring out this homeschooling thing for Lily seeing as she is nearly 4 now, and I think I've got it nailed down what we will do. I'm thinking we will work through Five In A Row because we work better if we aren't very regimented and very focused on textbooks yet, but we read all the time and the activities that correspond with this curriculum are focused on the traditional "studies" as well as reading, so I don't feel like she is learning nothing haha. But I love that this curriculum allows for life to happen. It is a very flexible way of teaching which is great seeing as Leon is only 2 and I have a hard time keeping him preoccupied.

Also, totally off topic (sorry for the whiplash), I am in a stage where I want to travel. I've wanted to travel since I learned there were other places and languages, and it just hasn't happened yet. I am doing my best to be content where God has us and to focus on raising our family and trying to reach out to those I can, and do the things that Christ has asked of us, but honestly I just want to run away to other places and learn other languages and experience how other people live. I'm slowly convincing Matt to travel, but I'm also letting him know that I will trust his leadership of our family, because ultimately, he is the head.

Disclaimer for everyone who will tell me to let Matt lead:

I trust that Matt is seeking Christ and will lead us accordingly. I also have told him, many, many, times that I will submit to him, as my husband, and if we never travel, that I will be content in that. If he never feels or believes that God is calling us outside of the states, I will trust my husbands judgement. There is no ill-will, no bitterness, no resentment. I am CHOOSING everyday, because it is a choice, to trust and follow this man whom I love completely. I have given my life to this man, and my heart, and ultimately, in marriage, have given him authority over me and our children, and I trust Matt to lead us according to how God is leading him. So I understand and am so grateful for those who will want to pull me aside and tell me to be careful in how I "persuade" him, but please know that Matt is fully aware of how I feel and he knows that I have his back no matter what decision he makes. There is no need to worry, says the girl who has anxiety issues  haha.  

Memorize Scripture people. Seriously.

Anyway, I have to go and take care of the kiddos. I love you all and hope God is making Himself known in your life. ❤

Xoxo,
Samantha

A Little Bit of Rambling

So, I'm sitting here during nap time and and thinking about how I should probably be posting on here haha. So here I am! I have noe idea really what I'm going to say, so let's just roll with it.

I've been learning lately that some little "habits" I have, could potentially be manifestations of some anxiety and depression issues, which make sense but is a bit weird to realize. My nail biting and poor hygiene, my tendency towards irritability and my general dislike of how I look and feel and my constant striving for perfection and crazy standards for myself even in homemaking. These are just some of the things that I have come to acknowledge. It's honestly a bit comforting to know that there is a reason behind why I feel like I'm going to explode most days, either in nervous energy or irritability. I now understand that I'm constantly moving or biting my nails because there is a constant state of anxiety that I live in, despite memorizing Philippians 4:6,7. I know that I should not be anxious and sometimes I don't realize I am. I have great days and bad days. Sometimes I feel like I need to control everything around me because I can't control myself my emotions.

For example, yesterday and today I feel like I'm going to implode. I don't know why, and I don't think words could explain it. There is just this constant undercurrent...and sometimes a riptide, of anxiety. We went grocery shopping yesterday and Matt, bless his soul, had to help me deal with this overwhelming feeling of anxiety. I couldn't focus on getting the food and what we needed because I was trying to keep the two kids from wandering and from fighting and it just wasn't working. I am soo soo grateful for Matt though because he reminded me that I'm not alone and that he is there to help with this.

I honestly right now hate that I am spilling my guts out like this. I should be ok, right? I mean seriously, who would think that I deal with anxiety and depression? I have a wonderful husband great in-laws, my family is doing well, we are in a great church family, and besides some work stuff going on, we are generally good. So why sometimes do I want to just hide in a corner and dissappear? Honestly, I wish I knew. I do pretty well though at functioning and taking care of everyone despite these things. Although, I could get better with decluttering and cleaning..but I'm assuming I'm not alone in that 😂...right?

Anyway, that's my rambling post for today..I'm going to go and pray because Jesus knows, I can't do anything without Him.

Oh and by the way, I was thinking about starting a YouTube channel because I feel like I might speak better than I write...let me know what you think?

Xoxo,
Samantha

Lots of Thoughts

Hey!

So lately in Sunday School as Church we have been talking about hospitality, how that looks, practical ways to practice it, where we can find examples of hospitality in the Scriptures, and other such things.

I've felt burdened to practice more hospitality since before January, so this lesson on hospitality has been so amazing. I've been thinking a lot lately about how I can practice hospitality in my little neighborhood and how I can do that, practically speaking, with two littles and a husband who works crazy hours. Something that was mentioned by our Pastors wife that really opened my eyes was that hospitality is about the people. Showing genuine interest and love for them, it isn't about putting on a show.

It doesn't matter if I use disposable dishes or the fine China as long as the people feel welcome, rested, and a genuine sense of someone caring. We are told to welcome the stranger, the lost, and also other believers. We are told the be the hands and feet of Jesus. How can we do that if we are sitting in our domestic towers and fortresses, and not welcoming people into our lives and our homes? We need to be willing to break free from these idea and open ourselves up to others, solely for showing them the love of Christ. 

We need to be careful that we don't allow the trappings of this life to trap us into a false sense of complacency. Trapping us into this idea that we can live solitary lives and that Christ isn't asking us to reach out to those around us.

But we know..

We know deep down that He is asking..He is asking so much more from us than sometimes we want to admit. He is asking us to step out of our comfort zones, out of what we are "willing" to do. Are we willing to step out in faith that even when we don't know what we are doing, He does?

Do we trust Christ enough?

Do we really trust Him at all? Our never changing, ever faithful, perfect, Almighty God who has never failed us or let us down. What reason do we have to not say "how high" when He says "jump"?

I'm ready to jump....are you?

Xoxo,
Samantha

Steak Sheet Pan Dinner!

Hey!

So, on this whole being faithful in taking care of my family, I wanted to share a recipe that turned out really well! It is a one pan..well, sheet dish that everyone (who enjoys veggies) really loved.

Backstory:

I'm trying to get better at meal planning and homemaking, so I looked up some recipes and came across this idea on pinterest! My mother's husband, Bill, gave us some amazing venison steaks so I used those in this recipe. And I am always up for an easy, quick, simple way to feed my family!

So here's the scoop: I marinated the steaks for about 20 minutes, to help hide some of the gamey taste venison has, in a mixture of worchestershire sauce and peppercorns. While that marinated I quartered some potatoes and boiled them for a little bit, just so they wouldn't be raw when I put them with the rest of the food. (P.s thank you Dad for the pairing knife and cutting board! They were so needed!)

While those boiled and with the meat still marinating, I poured out a bag of frozen green beans and carrots (simple and easy remember! Frozen or not, they are veggies!) and I popped some butter onto the frozen veggies so when they started cooking they would be infused with the butter.

So, on a baking sheet with my silicon mat, I placed the frozen veggies with butter, my boiled quartered potatoes, and now, onto the meat. I first pulled it out and sliced it into 1 inch thick slices and layer those next to the potatoes on the baking pan. I put my oven to low broil and put the rack as high as I could.

While it was preheating, I seasoned the food with garlic salt, onion powder, rosemary, thyme, cilantro, salt, and pepper to taste.

When it was heated, I put the whole sheet pan into the oven and let it cool for about 20 minutes. I honestly don't remember how long it was total because I was eyeing the meat and took it out when it was cooked all the way through. If you can see the photos then you can see my amazing little helper haha she loved handing me the seasonings and sneaking some frozen veggies when I wasn't watching hahah!

This turned out really well for us! Let me know what you think!

Xoxo,
Samantha

Feeling A Bit Lost..

Have you ever felt lost? Because I'm there. I'm lost in knowing what I'm passionate about, I'm lost about what to write, I'm lost about what it means to be a good mom and wife and homemaker...lost about how all this fits into my faith in Jesus.

I'm a bit more than overwhelmed right now.

There is so much out there. So much information. Pinterest, facebook, Instagram, Twitter, apps I don't even know the name of! Everything telling you, or even worse, showing you what you should wear, how you should look, what food you need to make, what foods are off limits, what makes you a good person, what makes you worthless, or how to raise your kids, what you need to do to keep your man. How does a young woman, a young mom, and a young wife like me get through this? I don't even know where to start!

I feel like I'm having a life crisis at 25!

I wish we could go back, back to when times were a bit simpler; when pinterest wasn't telling me how to do my hair and nails and keep a tight toned body, and how I'm not raising my kids right because I didn't cut their food into animal shapes, and my daughter doesn't have 3rd grade level schooling by her 3rd birthday, or how to keep my man happy. 

What happened to the days when parents could let their kids run outside without fear of being labeled a bad parent? When you put laundry outside to dry in the sun and when you were taught how to manage a home and make food and take care of yourself. The world was a bit bigger then, I think, and a bit easier. So have we, in the midst of this world becoming smaller, managed to lose this too?

Sometimes my amazing Mother-in-law jokes that I'm an old soul and I was born in the wrong time period. I can't help but laugh with her as I dream of hanging laundry to dry in the sun, and preserving foods, and as I get starry eyed in antique shops. I sometimes wonder why God put me here and now. I take comfort in what was told to Esther "Maybe God put you here for such a time as this". Yet I find myself asking why, in this age of business and information and immense social networks full of vastly lonely people, was I put here, instead of the days when staying home was of higher importance, and raising children was blessed rather than cursed, and when the family was honored.

Why am I put here...now?

What purpose can I serve when all I want to do is live simpler? When I struggle trying to find a balance between throwing out ALL the electronics in the house, and sometimes being slave to them. There has to be a reason why Christ has me here, now. Esther found her reason, to be an advocate for her people. But of what purpose do I have? And shouldn't I be more humble? What makes me think God even has a greater purpose for me? What if all He has for me is being a wife and mother? Will I be content in that? But how do I balance the responsibilities of being a wife and a mother with those of being a believer?

This might be why I want a simpler life! Hahaha!

There is so much going on in my head right now. I wish pinterest had a way to help me organize my brain hahaha..just kidding!....not really...

I love the convenience of technology, and all of these great ideas that come out of the world becoming smaller, but I am sad at what we are losing. What is being forgotten in the age of information. We are losing sight of what is worth our time, or rather Who is worth our time. We are putting more importance into how we braid our hair and how awesome our lives look instead of finding value in the One who holds everything together. We are forgetting the slower, simpler, easier lives that He has for us. When we honor His Words, and we set as important what He says is important, we become free from those bonds that are shackled to us. We are free from finding our worth in what we do or how many likes we get! You see, being intentional with people is more important than having a million likes. Hospitality with people is more important than taking a picture to show people how great your watermelon cake looks. When did we begin to lose sight of the importance of being with people, in person? When did we lose sight of the fact that Jesus wants PEOPLE, not "likes" or "retweets". Yes we can reach people through these means..I have a blog for Pete's sake! ( p.s. hi Pete and Jenna! Haha) So I believe we can reach people through these, but what about your neighbors? When was the last time you invited them over for dinner? When was the last time you took a breath and slowed down? People are the Church, the Bride of Christ, not quotes or pictures or even creative blogs and videos about Him. The Body of Christ is made of People. In our smaller, busier world, we seem to have forgotten this.

So honestly, I'm not sure my thoughts are even making sense. But a dear friend of mine approached me recently and reached into my chest and pumped my heart until it was beating again. Her coming up to me was definitely not a coincidence,  and it was most definitely a moment orchestrated by God. Her encouragement to me was exactly what I needed, and our Church's memory verse for this week, by God's design, managed to fit right into what I'm struggling in. It is 1 Timothy 4:12 which says "Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity." This verse is really hitting me hard this week because I am struggling with the fact I am young. I AM looking down on myself because of my youth. What do I know? I'm only 25...what can I say to those who have already lived life? They know so much more... I have only lived a little. I am so new to all of this.

My friend reminded me that what I say might have already been said, but not in the way I am going to say it, not in the way God has allowed me to type it and experience it. Just because I am young, doesn't mean that my opinions or experiences are worthless. God can use my words to reach people, to touch their souls like mine has been touched. Either way, this blog isn't about how awesome I can be or what new "revelation" I can bring to the table, but rather being faithful to walk through this life in the way that Christ has called me to. Whether it is in writing or mothering or homemaking or just by living.

And I intend to do just that.